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Experts say that if older people exercise daily, they will be healthier and happier. However, many still suffer from a lack of fitness. What are the reasons for this? What actions can be taken to solve this problem?

Experts say that if older people exercise daily, they will be healthier and happier. However, many still suffer from a lack of fitness. What are the reasons for this? What actions can be taken to solve this problem? r8m3k
Experts claim that older people would be healthier and happier if they exercise on a regular basis. Many people, however, continue to be unfit. As we get older, our bodies has less strength to perform physically demanding tasks. In my opinion, the root cause of this problem lies to the attitude of older people to become lazy in physical activities that should be corrected. Nowadays, there are still unhealthy older people due to number of reasons. One of them is that they have the wrong mindset of their physical health. Human’s perspective affects the physical health of an individual. For example, mostly elder people thinks that they have a weaker body; as a result, they deprive themselves from doing physical task. Another is lack of discipline to one’s health. As our age increases our bodies becomes delicate. An older person tends to stay at home and spend most of their time resting. Hence, they are lazy to perform physical activities. Laziness can cause many problems in the future this includes illnesses. Strengthen public or private health programs could help alleviate many of the problems but this would require support from the government, public and private sectors to make this possible. If the government includes this type of programs with their budget, they could hire instructors or volunteers to start facilitate and implement to communities. By hiring instructors or volunteers, older people will be educated about the importance of regular exercise, its benefits to improve their health and guided exercises for them to do regularly. Aside from the government, private sectors could help by donating equipment or by allowing private areas to be used for this program. In conclusion, a reason why many older people are still unfit since they are not accountable of their own health and public health programs are not well strengthen in communities. I think that each of us should be responsible of our own well-being, which could help reduce early illnesses in the future.
Experts claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be healthier and happier if they exercise on a regular basis.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, continue to be unfit. As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
, our bodies has less strength to perform
physically
demanding tasks. In my opinion, the root cause of this problem lies to the attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become lazy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities that should
be corrected
.

Nowadays, there are
still
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to number of reasons. One of them is that they have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
mindset of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Human’s perspective affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of an individual.
For example
,
mostly
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
that they have a weaker body;
as a result
, they
The usual collocation for "deprive" is "of" not "themselves". Did you mean "deprive themselves of"?
deprive themselves from
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
task. Another is lack of discipline to one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
our age increases our bodies becomes delicate. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
person tends to stay at home and spend most of their time resting.
Hence
, they are lazy to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities. Laziness can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in the future this includes illnesses.

Strengthen public or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
programs could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
alleviate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this would require support from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, public and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sectors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this possible. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
includes this type of programs with their budget, they could hire instructors or volunteers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
facilitate and implement to communities. By hiring instructors or volunteers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be educated
about the importance of regular exercise, its benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and guided exercises for them to do
regularly
. Aside from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sectors could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by donating equipment or by allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
areas to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for this program.

In conclusion
, a reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
unfit since they are not accountable of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
programs are not well strengthen in communities. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that each of us should be
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
well-being, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
early illnesses in the future.
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IELTS essay Experts say that if older people exercise daily, they will be healthier and happier. However, many still suffer from a lack of fitness. What are the reasons for this? What actions can be taken to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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