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Parents and developing self esteem in children

Parents and developing self esteem in children E3AEx
Parents build up their children's self-esteem while they grow. Their education is important in the development of children’s self-trust and the creation of typical qualities that make them be brave and succeed. Some studies show that this behavior is almost always developed in children who have received a good education from their parents, and due to this fact, they are also emotionally intelligent which helps them to react in different ways, and allow them to control hard situations most of the time. These investigations have also demonstrated that females expand their emotional intelligence earlier than men, and for this reason, women can be more empathic and secure about themselves. To conclude, people always make mistakes, however, if their confidence is high, they understand these bad situations as teaching lessons to become better people.
Parents build up their children's self-esteem while they grow. Their education is
important
in the development of children’s self-trust and the creation of typical qualities that
make
them be brave and succeed.
Some
studies
show
that this behavior is almost always developed in children who have received a
good
education from their parents, and due to this fact, they are
also
emotionally
intelligent which
helps
them to react in
different
ways, and
allow
them to control
hard
situations most of the time. These investigations have
also
demonstrated that females expand their emotional intelligence earlier than
men
, and
for this reason
, women can be more empathic and secure about themselves.

To conclude
,
people
always
make
mistakes,
however
, if their confidence is high, they understand these
bad
situations as teaching lessons to become better
people
.
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IELTS essay Parents and developing self esteem in children

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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