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Expert say if the old people spend time get along with other andexercise everyday they will be healthier andhappier

Expert say if the old people spend time get along with other andexercise everyday they will be healthier andhappier L96ER
It is irrefutable that elder human beings are getting alone, and unhealthy these days. While the life span has increased but during the Hustle-bustle of the society and plenty of work burden on young people they could not afford to give too much time to their elders which results in loneliness and unhealthier life of oldies. This essay shall analyse the reasons and would give proper solutions before reaching a conclusion. First of all, senior citizens feel hurt and difficult to let go of their families heirloom and their properties. Furthermore, their children and grandchildren do not want to held back because of their orthodox customs. Consequently, elderly have a plethora of memories with their houses, and also they cannot let themselves vanished their rein on their family as well. For instance, if they manage to walk with their younger ones with the newer ways of life and learn how to operate technology they would not get lonely. Secondly, our body works as a machine. To illustrate machinery needs lubricant to work better again and again, likewise our body needs it too, and exercise is the oil we need. Moreover, youngsters may work without oil sometimes but elder people needs to exercise. Besides this, the most common problem faced by oldies are hypertension, arthritis and diabetes which is causing life loss for them. In addition, financial problem maybe causing lack of fitness for elderly because they cannot earn after get old. However, several solutions can be applied by the elder themselves like they have to keep up with the advancement of digitalization to be flexible with their kids. For example, 5 days a week of exercise would be crucially added to their list of daily routines. Thirdly, they should plan retirement funding in advance. Therefore, government should make subsidised gyms and start free computer classes for elder community as well. To conclude, youth should focus on their elder ones and properly give attention to their fitness, and also old people should focus on themselves too.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
human beings are getting alone, and unhealthy these days. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
during the Hustle-bustle of the society and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
burden on young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they could not afford to give too much time to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
which results in loneliness and unhealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of oldies. This essay shall
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the reasons and would give proper solutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, senior citizens feel hurt and difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
go of their families heirloom and their properties.
Furthermore
, their children and grandchildren do not want to held back
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their orthodox customs.
Consequently
, elderly have a plethora of memories with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, and
also
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
themselves vanished their rein on their family
as well
.
For instance
, if they manage to walk with their younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
with the newer ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and learn how to operate technology they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lonely.

Secondly
, our body works as a machine. To illustrate machinery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
lubricant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
better again and again,
likewise
our body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
it too, and exercise is the oil we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
Moreover
, youngsters may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
needs
to exercise.
Besides
this, the most common problem faced by oldies are hypertension, arthritis and diabetes which is causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
loss for them.
In addition
, financial problem maybe causing lack of fitness for elderly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot earn after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

However
, several solutions can
be applied
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
themselves like they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the advancement of digitalization to be flexible with their kids.
For example
, 5 days a week of exercise would be
crucially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to their list of daily routines.
Thirdly
, they should plan retirement funding in advance.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidised' is British English.
subsidised
gyms and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
free computer classes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
community
as well
.

To conclude
, youth should focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and
properly
give attention to their fitness, and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should focus on themselves too.
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IELTS essay Expert say if the old people spend time get along with other andexercise everyday they will be healthier andhappier

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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