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Expanding the non-smoking areas is more beneficial to Hong Kong citizens than increasing the tobacco tax. Do you agree? Explain your answer with reference to the sources and your own knowledge.

Expanding the non-smoking areas is more beneficial to Hong Kong citizens than increasing the tobacco tax. Do you agree? Explain your answer with reference to the sources and your own knowledge. WynGD
I agree that expanding the non-smoking areas is more beneficial to Hong Kong citizens than increasing the tobacco tax. Firstly, increasing the tobacco tax may not benefit to Hong Kong citizen, as stated in Source B, smokers believed that the increase in tobacco tax would encourage tobacco smuggling. People should switch to buy cheaper but illegal cigarettes rather than stop smoking and may increase Hong Kong’s crime rate. Thus, this would not benefit or even harm Hong Kong citizens. Besides, tax increase is ineffective because the imposed amount doesn’t have much influence made on the rich and affordable people. There is a total of 3, 800 of daily cigarette male and female smokers in the age group of 15-19 years old. If the price of cigarettes increases, this can probably reduce the number of teenagers smoking as they don’t have much money to support smoking. However, in Hong Kong, with 1 in 5 people considered poor which only contributes 20%. This shows that majority of Hong Kong people are not very poor. Therefore, increasing the cigarette tax may not benefit Hong Kong citizens as much as expanding the non-smoking areas. Secondly, I think expanding the non-smoking areas like Macau as showed in source C, all indoor public areas expect the airport and entertainment venues where smoking rooms are provided, as well as within 10 meters from bus stops, is more beneficial to Hong Kong citizens. If this control is held in Hong Kong, this can ensure smokers staying in a specific area to smoke and protect non-smokers from breathing in second-hand smoke which contains even more harmful substances than the first-hand smokers. As a result, it is beneficial to Hong Kong people who are mostly non-smokers. Thirdly, with an increasing number of the non-smoking areas, smokers find more difficult to find a place to smoke. Their desire to smoke when hanging out would be reduced because it is not that convenient to smoke since they would have to find a specific place to smoke, which may separate themselves from family or friends or reduce the gathering time with family and friends. If this control has legal binding effect and any unlawful smoking in non-smoking areas may be penalized, it may reduce the number of smokers. Therefore, expanding the non-smoking areas is beneficial to Hong Kong citizens. In conclusion, I agree that expanding the non-smoking areas is more beneficial to Hong Kong citizens than increasing the tobacco tax.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expanding
the non-smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
to Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
tax.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
may not benefit to Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
, as stated in Source B, smokers believed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
smuggling.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should switch to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
cheaper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
Hong Kong’s crime rate.
Thus
, this would not benefit or even harm Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
is ineffective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the imposed amount doesn’t have much influence made on the rich and affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There is a total of 3, 800 of daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
male and female smokers in the age group of 15-19 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. If the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
, this can
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
as they don’t have much money to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
However
, in Hong Kong, with 1 in 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considered poor which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
contributes 20%. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that majority of Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
may not benefit Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expanding
the non-smoking areas.

Secondly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expanding
the non-smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
like Macau as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in source C, all indoor public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the airport and entertainment venues where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
rooms
are provided
,
as well
as within 10 meters from bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
, is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
to Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. If this control
is held
in Hong Kong, this can ensure smokers staying in a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
and protect non-smokers from breathing in second-hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
which contains even more harmful substances than the
first
-hand smokers.
As a result
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
to Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
mostly
non-smokers.

Thirdly
, with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
number of the non-smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, smokers find more difficult to find a place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
. Their desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
when hanging out would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not that convenient to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
since they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find a specific place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
, which may separate themselves from family or friends or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the gathering time with family and friends. If this control has legal binding effect and any unlawful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in non-smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
may
be penalized
, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of smokers.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expanding
the non-smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
to Hong Kong citizens.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expanding
the non-smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
to Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
.
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IELTS essay Expanding the non-smoking areas is more beneficial to Hong Kong citizens than increasing the tobacco tax. Do you agree? Explain your answer with reference to the sources and your own knowledge.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
407 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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