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Example of endangered animals

Example of endangered animals 7rV2n
There are many species of animal endangered, but I believe The Persian jaguar are increasingly at risk of extinction and there are some reasons behind this. First and foremost, poaching poses the greatest threat to Persian jaguars especially. when there is no limit and control, poachers do unsustainable hunting and Persian jaguar are dying out more than in the past. As well as this, industrial pollution has taken a heavy toll on Persian jaguar populations. Industrial waste, pollute the environment and because of that Persian jaguar are in danger of losing their natural habitat. And finally the deforestation because of urban growth patterns and especially urban sprawl, is wiping out Persian jaguar
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species of animal endangered,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe The Persian jaguar are
increasingly
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of extinction and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons behind this.

First
and foremost, poaching poses the greatest threat to Persian jaguars
especially
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
there is no limit and control, poachers do unsustainable hunting and Persian jaguar are dying out more than in the past.

As well
as this, industrial pollution has taken a heavy toll on Persian jaguar populations. Industrial waste, pollute the environment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that Persian jaguar are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of losing their natural habitat.

And
finally
the deforestation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of urban growth patterns and
especially
urban sprawl, is wiping out Persian jaguar
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IELTS essay Example of endangered animals

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
111 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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