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Ex. 4. Children and games

Ex. 4. Children and games m3kNd
Parents have diverse opinions about their children's social skills development, because they educate their families based on what they know or live. Adults are a guide of how to educate children, but this guide is a series of personal beliefs and experiences. Children are formed by parents perspectives, this means we tend to educate people based on what we learned from life, but sometimes we overprotect our children because we want they not to suffer as us although we always forget that difficulties help us improve and we learn from our mistakes. In addition, I think people must analyze both options, personally, I am not agree in let people get a prize even when they do not win, an individual grows older and we need to understand that life is not easy, not everyone wins and not everyone loses, even if it is a “game”, children develop a perspective that can complicate their social life. These complications damage the social life of children who are used to receiving something even if they have not made an effort. On the other hand, we must understand that these teachings guide children on their way to becoming adults who are better human beings. For example, I grew up with the teaching that not all of us win, my brother played soccer and I saw him win and lose games, but the most important thing is that I saw him work hard to win a game, a tournament, medals and trophies.
Parents have diverse opinions about their children's social
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "skills'" or "skill's"?
skills
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they educate their families based on what they know or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Adults are a guide of how to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this guide is a series of personal beliefs and experiences.

Children
are formed
by parents perspectives, this means we tend to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
based on what we learned from life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we overprotect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we want they not to suffer as us although we always forget that difficulties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
improve and
we learn from our mistakes.
In addition
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
analyze both options,
personally
, I am not
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a prize even when they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
, an individual grows
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
older and
we need to understand that life is not easy, not everyone wins and not everyone loses, even if it is a “game”,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop a perspective that can complicate their social life.

These complications damage the social life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to receiving something even if they have not made an effort.
On the other hand
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand that these teachings guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on their way to becoming adults who are better human beings.
For example
, I grew up with the teaching that not all of us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
, my brother played soccer and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
and lose games,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
him work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
a game, a tournament, medals and trophies.
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IELTS essay Ex. 4. Children and games

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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