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Ex 18: Space travel has been possible for some time and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Ex 18: Space travel has been possible for some time and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? QL5p3
Due to the development of science and technology, space exploration has been feasible for people who are interested in exploring the universe and space. Many people believe that in the future, space tourism could be developed and from my perspective, although the benefits of space travel are clear, I think that there are more drawbacks. Admittedly, the positives of space exploration are evident. It allows people to experience novel things and opens opportunities to develop the scientific world. As for the former, it is obvious that by exploring space, tourists can gain knowledge about the universe such as galaxies, the planets, and the motion of the sun. There is also a condition for the development of space science to help people research space, meteorology, and astronomy. These factors may positively influence the discovery of new living spaces for humans; for example, Mars has the same living conditions as Earth where humans may live. Despite the upsides mentioned above, the drawbacks of space tourism are significant. Firstly, It can not be denied that a huge number of trips into space can cause environmental problems, such as air pollution, the depletion of the ozone layer, and the increase in temperatures. Secondly, traveling through the universe tends to include a variety of potential risks; for example, astronauts and space tourists face health risks from radiation, which can cause illness and injure organs. In conclusion, I think the upsides from space tourism are much more negligible compared to its harmful impact on our life.
Due to the development of science and technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration has been feasible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are interested
in exploring the universe and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that in the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
tourism could
be developed
and from my perspective, although the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
travel are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are more drawbacks.

Admittedly
, the positives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration are evident. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to experience novel things and opens opportunities to develop the scientific world. As for the former, it is obvious that by exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
, tourists can gain knowledge about the universe such as galaxies, the planets, and the motion of the sun. There is
also
a condition for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
science to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
, meteorology, and astronomy. These factors may
positively
influence the discovery of new living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
for humans;
for example
, Mars has the same living conditions as Earth where humans may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

Despite the upsides mentioned above, the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
tourism are significant.
Firstly
, It can not
be denied
that a huge number of trips into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
can cause environmental problems, such as air pollution, the depletion of the ozone layer, and the increase in temperatures.
Secondly
, traveling through the universe tends to include a variety of potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
;
for example
, astronauts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
tourists face health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
from radiation, which can cause illness and injure organs.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the upsides from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
tourism are much more negligible compared to its harmful impact on our life.
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IELTS essay Ex 18: Space travel has been possible for some time and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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