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Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.12

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. v. 12
It's argued that all states must have medical facilities but the new treatments not available because it's very expensive. The essay completely agree with about statement because of the benefits of free medical camps, moreover the consultation and equipment is costly. The essay first will look at the benefits of a camp and then discuss about the treatment and why it is expensive. First of all, I believe that every province to provide a free medical facility is a significant way to predict issues. It's a good approach to overcome health related challenges and make people like healthy. However, poor people daily facing diagnosis challenges even they don't know how to become healthy. For instance, a few countries like India and also provide free health checkups and providing health insurance policies in Canada and UK has free medical for all diseases and diagnosis. Secondly, Nowadays the technology is gradually emerging, but provinces are in below poverty due to lack of resource problems. Due to this the state governments not able to provide all facilities for all treatments. Although, sometime need to go other countries for the treatment but it's overburden on people and government. For example, recently one of the news channel conducted survey and released an article. It's mentioned a few countries facing financial challenges due to this not able provide medical fully. To conclude, despite the financial circumstances government provide medicals but not fully. If government overcome the challenges and provide medical fully it will be helpful for all poor and middle-class people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
argued that all states
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the new treatments not available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.

The essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with about statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
camps,
moreover
the consultation and equipment is costly.

The essay
first
will look at the benefits of a camp and then
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
treatment and why it is expensive.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that every province to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facility is a significant way to predict issues.

It's a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approach to overcome health related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like healthy.

However
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
daily facing diagnosis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
even they don't know how to become healthy.

For instance
, a few countries like India and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
health checkups and providing health insurance policies in Canada and UK has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
for all diseases and diagnosis.

Secondly
, Nowadays the technology is
gradually
emerging,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
provinces are in below poverty due to lack of resource problems.

Due to this the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
all facilities for all treatments.

Although, sometime need to go other countries for the treatment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
overburden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

For example
, recently one of the news channel conducted survey and released an article.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
mentioned a few countries facing financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
due to this not able
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
fully
.

To conclude
, despite the financial
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "circumstances'" or "circumstance's"?
circumstances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
medicals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
fully
.

If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
fully
it will be helpful for all poor and middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. v. 12

Essay
  American English
13 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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