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even today two third of population of developing countries still lives in rural area. do you feel the government should spend more money in developing more in the rural areas?

even today two third of population of developing countries still lives in rural area. do you feel the government should spend more money in developing more in the rural areas? yPyRP
Although, in today's world, majority of population in the developing countries still stays in rural areas, I feel that government should not spend more money in those areas for development. Firstly, the reason behind not to spend more money on rural areas rather than on urban areas because country's developed city reflect the country's growth and development. People from across the globe invested in such modern town which tend to help nation's economic growth. Secondly, the most of population stays in rural area but small and medium sized cities the density of population is large with respect to space. It is necessary to provide them all the basic amenities which is quite difficult job as well as required large amount of funding. Thirdly, government has to maintain every sector in country balance by providing sufficient financial support. If more money is spending on development of the rural area, this will affect the health and education system as leads money is remain for them. finally I feel developing rural areas on the basis of population is not viable choice for country's future progress.
Although, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
still
stays in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, I feel that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for development.
Firstly
, the reason behind not to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
rather
than on urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
country's developed city reflect the country's growth and development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from across the globe invested in such modern town which tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
nation's economic growth.
Secondly
, the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
stays in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
medium sized
cities the density of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is large with respect to space. It is necessary to provide them all the basic amenities which is quite difficult job
as well
as required large amount of funding.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
maintain every sector in country balance by providing sufficient financial support. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is spending on development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, this will affect the health and education system as leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
for them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
finally
I feel developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is not viable choice for country's future progress.
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IELTS essay even today two third of population of developing countries still lives in rural area. do you feel the government should spend more money in developing more in the rural areas?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
182 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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