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Essay topics: A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Essay topics: A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 2
In the era of industrialization, most of the countries are developing day to day. Development of a country depends on some factor. Some people believe that rapidly development happen when multi-cultural people live in a country. In my point of view, I totally agree with this statement and i will clarify my opinion in this essay. First of all, every countries development and lifestyle depends on this countries economical condition. Most of the countries those are high economic rate are developed their countries by their wealth. Rich countries are easily hire people from other nation who are very much talented. Gifted people are the wealth of this nation and they are the builder of not only society but also whole countries. For the development of the countries, they hire intelligent people from other nation. For example, USA, UK, Australia etc. are hired many people from other countries and those countries growth rate is very high only for the reason of multicultural society. Secondly, People can easily learn other countries language, culture and lifestyle in the mix nationalities countries and people lead interesting life other culture people and sometime they change their lifestyle with modern culture which is the one of the main criteria of developing. By knowing other countries culture or tradition some rich company will be interested to build new industry in the poor countries or developing countries and that will be developed more. In conclusion, I believe that migration of people always helpful for a nation and it increased the standard of living style as well as economical and social condition.
In the era of industrialization, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are developing day to day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
rapidly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
happen when multi-cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my point of view, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and
Did you mean "I"?
i
will clarify my opinion in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and lifestyle depends on
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
economical condition. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
those are high economic rate
are developed
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by their wealth. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
easily
Consider using a past participle here: "hired".
hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much talented. Gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the wealth of this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nation and
they are the builder of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they hire intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For example
, USA, UK, Australia etc.
are hired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and those
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
growth rate is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the reason of multicultural society.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
easily
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
language,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and lifestyle in the mix nationalities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead interesting life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and sometime they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyle with modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
which is the one of the main criteria of developing. By knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
or tradition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will
be interested
to build new industry in the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and that will
be developed
more.

In conclusion
, I believe that migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always helpful for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and it increased the standard of living style
as well
as economical and social condition.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topics: A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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