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Essay topic: In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries, some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give v.2

Essay topic: In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries, some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. 2
People have different views about whether the government should limit the salary earn by few people or it is better for a country. While government should control the salaries under some circumstances, I personally believe that it is good for a country to have more people who earn high salaries. On the other hand, there are some situations when government should control the salaries earn by the people. Firstly, it is true that these days many people prefer to invest in foreign countries rather than in their own countries. When people who earn a large amount of money are not contributing their money for country’s development, under developing countries take time to develop. Secondly, when these people do not pay enough amount of tax proportion to the money that they earn, government should limit their salary. Finally, if these people do not deserve high salaries according to their position in an organization, government should control their limit to earn high salaries. On the other hand, we all know that many people do a lot of hard work to earn high salaries at early age. For instance, many film actor have to travel in many overseas countries in order to do shooting and they also work for more than 18 hours a day. Therefore, when people put a lot of hard work, people have right to earn high salaries. In addition to that, many students pay high education fees and educate themselves to earn high salaries. Thus, they should earn high salary as they give their time, money and hard work to achieve that. In conclusion, When people contribute more proportion to the money they earn, it is good for a country. I believe that under some circumstances mentioned above, government should control the amount people earn.
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People
have
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different
views about whether the
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government
should limit the
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salary
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earn
by few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or it is better for a
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country
. While
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government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, I
personally
believe that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salaries.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations when
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government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, it is true that these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to invest in foreign
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countries
rather
than in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
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countries
. When
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people
who
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earn
a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are not contributing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development, under developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
take time to develop.
Secondly
, when these
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people
do not pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
amount of tax proportion to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should limit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
Finally
, if these
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people
do not deserve
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
according to their position in an organization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
their limit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salaries.

On the other hand
, we all know that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
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work
to
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earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
at early age.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
film actor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
overseas
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countries
in order to do
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shooting and
they
also
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work
for more than 18 hours a day.
Therefore
, when
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people
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
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work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
In addition
to that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students pay
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high
education fees and educate themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
Thus
, they should
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earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
as they give their time,
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money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to achieve that.

In conclusion
, When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contribute more proportion to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I believe that under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
69Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topic: In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries, some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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