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Entrepreneurs around the world are increasingly turning to social media for income generation. What are the reasons for this trend? Is this a positive or negative development?   Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

Entrepreneurs around the world are increasingly turning to social media for income generation. What are the reasons for this trend? Is this a positive or negative development? kLYAK
Nowadays, the evolution of technology makes people’s life more comfortable. Also, Entrepreneurs around the globe are tentative to use more social media to earn income. In this essay, I intend to explain the reasons of this trend with a positive and negative development points of view. At the first stage of twenty first century, technology development is growing in a very fast pace. These technology including social media, navigation system, working application, and etc. facilitate modern life of people. It is irrefutable that people can access more information from the internet and social media easily in one finger touch. As a result, entrepreneurs could start a businesses in large online community which have a lot of demand like social media to earn more income easily. Moreover, there are various advantages of entrepreneurs turning to use social media for income generation. Firstly, it facilitates customers a lot because they can order products or search information anywhere. They don’t need even to go to a shopping mall or department store to find their needed stuff. Secondly, entrepreneurs can start their business by using low fixed costs due to no rent for opening a physical store and hire worker. However, there is a weeds in every gardens and also some disadvantages. This situation eases the offenders to break the law. These people can disguise themselves to be an entrepreneurs, convince customers to place an order, transfer money and block the customers’ social media account. To sum up, I pen down saying that there are many advantages and disadvantages of entrepreneurs around the globe are turning to use social media for income generation. The benefits still outweigh drawbacks a lot.
Nowadays, the evolution of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life more comfortable.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Entrepreneurs
around the globe are tentative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. In this essay, I intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons of this trend with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development points of view.

At the
first
stage of twenty
first
century, technology development is growing in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace.
Did you mean "this technology" or "These technologies"?
These technology
including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, navigation system, working application,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. facilitate modern life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access more information from the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
easily
in one finger touch.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrepreneurs
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a business" or simply "businesses"?
a businesses
in large online community which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
demand like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
easily
.

Moreover
, there are various advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrepreneurs
turning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
generation.
Firstly
, it facilitates customers a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can order products or search information anywhere. They don’t need
Did you mean "to even"?
even
to go to a shopping mall or department store to find their needed stuff.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrepreneurs
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their business by using low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
costs due to no rent for opening a physical store and hire worker.

However
,
Did you mean "there are a weeds"?
there is a weeds
in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "garden"?
gardens
and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. This situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eases
the offenders to break the law. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can disguise themselves to be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrepreneurs
, convince customers to place an order, transfer money and block the customers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
account.

To sum up, I pen down saying that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrepreneurs
around the globe are turning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
generation. The benefits
still
outweigh drawbacks a lot.
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IELTS essay Entrepreneurs around the world are increasingly turning to social media for income generation. What are the reasons for this trend? Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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