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enthusiastic for incredible island and inbound tourism with an affordable price

enthusiastic for incredible island and inbound tourism with an affordable price kW0YO
I would like to share my own experience for those who are enthusiastic for incredible island and inbound tourism with an affordable price. Last year I went to the Boat-Island which is situated in southern Myanmar. The trip lasted for 3 days and the accommodation was eco-friendly lodge with all-inclusive. The things I vividly remember are not only breathtaking view but also water activity that I did. I joined snorkeling club at the second day which provides me the most stunning memory in my life. As an illustration, as long as I snorkeled, I saw a plethora of fishes and corals transparently in the crystal water. Furthermore, kayaking, scuba-diving, and windsurfing are available as well by the talented trainers. Without no doubt, I had tasted variety and diversity of seafood such as lobster, shrimp, crab, and mussel. Because of the delicious and fresh seafood Boat-Island is a food paradise for me. Instead of visiting exotic countries and splurging too much money, I would like to urge you to go this paradise. On the other hand, we can contribute the inbound tourism in a good way. I assure you will never regret for the exquisite island.
I would like to share my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience for those who are enthusiastic for incredible island and inbound tourism with an affordable price. Last year I went to the Boat-Island which
is situated
in southern Myanmar. The trip lasted for 3 days and the accommodation was eco-friendly lodge with all-inclusive.

The things I
vividly
remember are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
breathtaking view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
water activity that I did. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
snorkeling club at the second day which provides me the most stunning memory in my life. As an illustration, as long as I snorkeled, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a plethora of fishes and corals
transparently
in the crystal water.
Furthermore
, kayaking, scuba-diving, and windsurfing are available
as well
by the talented trainers.

Without no doubt, I had tasted variety and diversity of seafood such as lobster, shrimp, crab, and mussel.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the delicious and fresh seafood Boat-Island is a food paradise for me.

Instead
of visiting exotic countries and splurging too much money, I would like to urge you to go this paradise.
On the other hand
, we can contribute the inbound tourism in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way. I assure you will never regret for the exquisite island.
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IELTS essay enthusiastic for incredible island and inbound tourism with an affordable price

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
195 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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