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Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore students should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

It is believed that mother and father of a child are responsible to maintain his/her physical health, thus educational institutes should not be teaching sports as a subject to avoid wastage of precious school hours. I certainly disagree with this statement because children spend most of their time at school and learn things quickly along with their peers. Firstly, the maximum time of a student is spent in school, therefore, he/she can easily involve in sports activities at school. In other words, students can devote a specific period of time for exercising during school hours because they are at school for more than 7 hours a day. However, parents are mostly working, thus cannot spare enough time to provide physical training sessions to their children everyday. Therefore, it is essential that educational institutes have a compulsory subject on physical education. For instance, according to a recent report, several schools in Australia organise sports meet on every other weekend for their students. Secondly, participation enhances when children are surrounded by pupils of their age. This is to say that a student will indulge in activities that his/her peers are involved in. Moreover, children will take an active part in exercising because they are greatly influenced by their peers. However, creating such an environment by parents at home is not feasible. Therefore, institutes should take the responsibility that children are involved in physical exercise daily. To exemplify, according to a survey conducted by the University of Solan in 2016 in India, 80% of pupils learn new skills at a faster rate in school than at home. In conclusion, I opine against the notion that parents must ensure their children are regularly involved in sports activities and the schools need not to devote time for physical training as a part of the curricula. This is because a child's presence is more at school, and learning is also enhanced in the school atmosphere.
It
is believed
that mother and father of a child are responsible to maintain his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health,
thus
educational institutes should not be teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a subject to avoid wastage of precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours. I
certainly
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and learn things
quickly
along with their peers.

Firstly
, the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of a student
is spent
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
therefore
, he/she can
easily
involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
In other words
, students can devote a specific period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for exercising during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for more than 7 hours a day.
However
, parents are
mostly
working,
thus
cannot spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training sessions to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
.
Therefore
, it is essential that educational institutes have a compulsory subject on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education.
For instance
, according to a recent report, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in Australia
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organise’ is British English.
organise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
on every other weekend for their students.

Secondly
, participation enhances when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are surrounded
by pupils of their age. This is to say that a student will indulge in activities that his/her peers
are involved
in.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will take an active part in exercising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
greatly
influenced by their peers.
However
, creating such an environment by parents at home is not feasible.
Therefore
, institutes should take the responsibility that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise daily. To exemplify, according to a survey conducted by the University of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Solan
in 2016 in India, 80% of pupils learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at a faster rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
than at home.

In conclusion
, I opine against the notion that parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
regularly
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
need not
Did you mean “devote”?
to devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training as a part of the curricula. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a child's presence is more at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and learning is
also
enhanced in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
atmosphere.
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IELTS essay Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore students should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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