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encouraging arts but fewer people showing interests on science, technology and business

encouraging arts but fewer people showing interests on science, technology and business rlPp
Traditionally, creation is involved in every human being on the basis of several arts like sculpture, wood carving, painting, and plethora of skillful acts. Individuals, representing their inventions globally and getting many awards, but people are tendency to show interests towards technology, science, and business which may be good for society and also for country. From my perspective, mankind ought to encourage arts to motivate the human race. To commence with, one predominant nuance which contributes to the beneficial points of producing number of arts, moreover, exhibiting them into a reputation events which may lead to inspiration for all over the nation. From my own experience, as I am wanderlust, travelled with many people and the style of living was different, additionally attended number of exhibitions too. Artists were painting, some are drawing astonishing portrayals besides that a beautiful wood carvings are in the event which may cause relaxation and enthusiasm. Their way of thinking was immense, I think that only artists would have such knowledge because their sculptures are communicating with our souls. So, obviously, arts should be the best proficiency in all the living souls. On the other hand, giving technical knowledge is also a efficient choice for humans to develop the nation. However, this would not be the only point to show intriguing ideas but also the natural thinking would play vital role in the environment because science can be available in internet which might get overall subject regarding what do you want. But culture and diversity, it totally dependent on artists and handicrafts who creates a dexterity and also leads to economical growth. To summarize, human race should galvanize the skillful artists, though they were low in thrifty, but their aspirations are also high as well as business and technology are also play a key role before that society should appreciate and fostered to artists competence.
Traditionally
, creation
is involved
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being on the basis of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
like sculpture, wood carving, painting, and plethora of skillful acts. Individuals, representing their inventions globally and getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
awards,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interests towards technology, science, and business which may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for society and
also
for country. From my perspective, mankind ought to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
to motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race.

To commence with, one predominant nuance which contributes to the beneficial points of producing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
moreover
, exhibiting them into a reputation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which may lead to inspiration for all over the nation. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, as I am wanderlust, travelled with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the style of living was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
,
additionally
attended number of exhibitions too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
were painting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are drawing astonishing portrayals
besides
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
wood
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "carving"?
carvings
are in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
which may cause relaxation and enthusiasm. Their way of thinking was immense, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
would have such knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their sculptures are communicating with our souls.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should be the best proficiency in all the living souls.

On the other hand
, giving technical knowledge is
also
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
efficient choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to develop the nation.
However
, this would not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
point to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
intriguing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the natural thinking would play vital role in the environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
science can be available in internet which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
overall
subject regarding what do you want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
culture and diversity,
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
totally
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and handicrafts who
Did you mean "create"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'handicrafts' should be used.
creates
a dexterity and
also
leads to
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race should galvanize the skillful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, though they were low in thrifty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their aspirations are
also
high
as well
as business and technology are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "played".
play
a key role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that society should appreciate and fostered to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
competence.

IELTS essay encouraging arts but fewer people showing interests on science, technology and business

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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