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Employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005

Employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005 dowpK
After 10 years, the employment rate, both for woman and men, increased and the highest employment rate for men could be observed in Iceland (82%) and lowest in Australia (69%). Similarly, the highest women employment rate was in Switzerland (68%) and lowest in Australia (38%). Though the percentage of women employment increased in 2005, men were still ahead of women in employment sectors in these six countries.
After 10 years, the
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employment
rate, both for woman and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, increased and the highest
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employment
rate for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
could
be observed
in Iceland (82%) and lowest in Australia (69%).
Similarly
, the highest women
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employment
rate was in Switzerland (68%) and lowest in Australia (38%). Though the percentage of women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
increased in 2005,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were
still
ahead of women in
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employment
sectors in these six countries.
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IELTS essay Employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
67 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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