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Nowadays some argue that democracy is under the biggest threat since inception. Some argue that due to capital markets the electorate has lost control of their government. What do you think ? Give reasons and examples to support your position.

Nowadays some argue that democracy is under the biggest threat since inception. Some argue that due to capital markets the electorate has lost control of their government. What do you think? Give reasons and examples to support your position. QLaby
In current scenario, many proponents argue that democracy is under the fear since it's beginning. Furthermore, vote givers have lost their grip from the government of the nation. I concur with this argument and reasons for the same is expatitated in the discourse ahead. A chunk of people believes that natives of country are unaware about serious threat on democracy. One cogent reason to understand this is that the growing number of bribery and corruption lead to this situation as this kind of work is being done without any surveillance, therefore one can not have idea regarding that. To exemplifies, in current corona pandemic situations, when middle class person have too much problems to gain medical services, many leaders and corrupted officers provide it easily by collecting handsome money from finincially capable individuals. Another prominent reason to agree this is that all individuals are also responsible to have this situation as people do not raise their voice to give their opinion. Therefore, government have one handed grip over country. Thus, many of reasons are behind this situation. In addition to that, another reason to believe this is that lack of transperancy in rules and regulations of economy is connected to this condition. And the outcome is that government do not have pressure and fear to follow any guidelines. Furthermore, due to that they do what they want. Nextly, the significant reason is that the government workers and leaders have egocentric and selfish nature. Therefore, they collect money for their own purposes and the government fails to make decisions for country's well-beings and for society. For instance, the money and funds for ministers' safety purposes are for their lavish lifestyle are came through taxes, which are collected from citizens. Hence, this also leads to lose grip of the government. To racipulate all aforementioned ideas, I firmly on the side of the main argument as due to corruption and selfish behavior of ministers lead to have threat on democracy method.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
proponents argue that democracy is under the fear since it's beginning.
Furthermore
, vote givers have lost their grip from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of the nation. I concur with this argument and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for the same is
Possible spelling mistake found.
expatitated
in the discourse ahead. A chunk of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that natives of country are unaware about serious threat on democracy. One cogent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to understand this is that the growing number of bribery and corruption lead to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
as this kind of work is
being done
without any surveillance,
therefore
one can not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
regarding that. To exemplifies, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
corona pandemic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
, when middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
person have too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
problems to gain medical services,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
leaders and corrupted officers provide it
easily
by collecting handsome money from
Possible spelling mistake found.
finincially
capable individuals. Another prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this is that all individuals are
also
responsible to have this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not raise their voice to give their opinion.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have one handed grip over country.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are behind this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
In addition
to that, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to believe this is that lack of
Possible spelling mistake found.
transperancy
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations of economy
is connected
to this condition. And the outcome is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
do not have pressure and fear to follow any guidelines.
Furthermore
, due to that they do what they want.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nextly
, the significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
workers and leaders have egocentric and selfish nature.
Therefore
, they collect money for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
purposes and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
fails to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions for country's well-beings and for society.
For instance
, the money and funds for ministers' safety purposes are for their lavish lifestyle are
Consider using a past participle here: "come".
came
through taxes, which
are collected
from citizens.
Hence
, this
also
leads to lose grip of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
racipulate
all aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, I
firmly
on the side of the main argument as due to corruption and selfish behavior of ministers lead to have threat on democracy method.
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IELTS essay Nowadays some argue that democracy is under the biggest threat since inception. Some argue that due to capital markets the electorate has lost control of their government. What do you think? Give reasons and examples to support your position.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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