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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. NjyW
"Working in an organisation teach us politeness, increase our patience level, enhance knowledge and skills". Sharing of personal information: hobbies, martial status are useful or not is an argument of debate. In my opinion, general information such as hobbies and interests can be shared in a professional sector but it should not on the cost of personal information such as martial status. To begin with, there are some ratios of people who believe that sharing personal information with employer may be has a significant benefits. In addition to this, information like hobbies and interests are used to organize cultural events in an organisation which help to minimize stress, work load of employees. Moreover, working in a team for fun activities bring closeness among employees. On the other hand, there are group of antagonists who believe that sharing personal information in a professional organisation does not relevant and useful. However, to make their argument more convincing they claim that women does not feel comfortable to share about their martial status. For instance, In a survey conducted by "Hindustan times", it has been observed that 50% of working women does not want to share their martial status because of ample of reasons. First, Divorcee women do not want to talk about their personal problems. Second, Most of the companies prefer single women because they reckon that single women will work with more dedication and enthusiasm. In conclusion, as we have seen there are number of answers for the given question. Howbeit, I tend to believe that Personal information about hobbies and interest which produce stress-free environment while recreational activities should be share while applying job; marital status which brings complexity and prejudice in working environment should not be disclosed.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Working in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
teach us politeness, increase our patience level, enhance knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Sharing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, martial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
are useful or not is an argument of debate. In my opinion, general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and interests can
be shared
in a professional sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not on the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as martial status.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ratios of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
with employer may be
Consider using the past participle "had"?
has
a significant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "benefit"?
benefits
.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and interests are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to organize cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to minimize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, work load of employees.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a team for fun activities bring closeness among employees.

On the other hand
, there are
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "groups"?
group
of antagonists who believe that sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in a professional
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
does not relevant and useful.
However
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their argument more convincing they claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
does not feel comfortable to share about their martial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
.
For instance
, In a survey conducted by
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Hindustan times
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, it has
been observed
that 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
does not want to share their martial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of ample of reasons.
First
, Divorcee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not want to talk about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
problems. Second, Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they reckon that single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will work with more dedication and enthusiasm.

In conclusion
, as we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
there are number of answers for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
question. Howbeit, I tend to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and interest which produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free environment while recreational activities should be share while applying job; marital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
which brings complexity and prejudice in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment should not
be disclosed
.
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IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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