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Electromagnetic Pollution

Electromagnetic Pollution 8xEJP
In today's modern life, electricity has become an extremely necessary source of energy for people. This raises the question of the effect of electricity on people. First, electricity is the movement of electric charge. The phenomenon of electromagnetic radiation produced by the above displacement creates electric and magnetic fields that stretch throughout the energy space. Radiation comes in many forms with different characteristics. High frequency radiation is known. Most of them are not harmful to humans except a few such as UV rays, X-rays, or Gamma Rays are classified as dangerous because they destroy the electron shell from the atom. So they cause burns and damage the genetic structure. The second type is low frequency radiation. Such types of radiation are often concentrated in our everyday appliances such as phones, computers, household electrical appliances or some used for cooking. These radiations do not destroy the electron shells, only certain types irritate the muscles and cause a certain tingling sensation. The question is: Is the sort of weak electromagnetic radiation we are constantly surrounded by harmful in the long run as a result of some as-yet-unknown mechanism? Through many studies by scientific organizations, many opinions are given such as leukemia is caused by living near electric poles, many people experience dizziness, swollen eyes, skin irritation when using technology, mobile phone radiation causes cancer, . . . . However, these are refuted because there is no correlation and people are unreliable. Others have yielded positive results, and long-term surveys are still underway. In summary, there is still no exact answer about the extent and limit of the health effects of electromagnetic radiation. However, about the radiation of computers, phones or televisions, people need not worry because they do not harm us. While many previous studies have shown contradictions, science has proven that the study participants suffered from the Nocebo phenomenon, so the accuracy was affected. Finally, although you don't have to worry about your health being affected, when using electronic devices, you need to be careful not to be taken advantage of by bad guys and steal information.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern life, electricity has become an
extremely
necessary source of energy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This raises the question of the effect of electricity on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

First
, electricity is the movement of electric charge. The phenomenon of electromagnetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
produced by the above displacement creates electric and magnetic fields that stretch throughout the energy space.

Radiation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
characteristics. High frequency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
is known
. Most of them are not harmful to humans except a few such as UV rays, X-rays, or Gamma Rays
are classified
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the electron shell from the atom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they cause burns and damage the genetic structure. The second type is low frequency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
. Such types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
concentrated in our everyday appliances such as phones, computers, household electrical appliances or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for cooking. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiations
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the electron shells,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
certain types irritate the muscles and cause a certain tingling sensation.

The question is: Is the sort of weak electromagnetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
we are
constantly
surrounded by harmful in the long run
as a result
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
as-
yet
-unknown mechanism? Through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies by scientific organizations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opinions are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
such as leukemia
is caused
by living near electric poles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experience dizziness, swollen eyes, skin irritation when using technology, mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
causes cancer
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, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
However
, these
are refuted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no correlation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unreliable. Others have yielded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results, and long-term surveys are
still
underway. In summary, there is
still
no exact answer about the extent and limit of the health effects of electromagnetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
.
However
, about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
of computers, phones or televisions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need not worry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not harm us. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
previous studies have shown contradictions, science has proven that the study participants suffered from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nocebo
phenomenon,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the accuracy was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.

Finally
, although you don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about your health being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
, when using electronic devices, you need to be careful not to
be taken
advantage of by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
guys and steal information.
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IELTS essay Electromagnetic Pollution

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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