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elderly people’s loneliness

elderly people’s loneliness 2K5Aw
You’ve mentioned crucial problems and I agree with you completely. Ukraine gained its independence only 30 years ago, it’s a developing country that’s why there are a lot of issues to solve. In addition to your opinion I’d like to name a problem of elderly people’s loneliness. Modern life is too rapid and days go by extremely quickly. Routine and daily choirs give us no time for ourselves and we often lose the connection with our parents and grandparents who need our attention especially. First we forget to call them, then we just too tired to visit them once a week. Meanwhile they’re sitting and waiting for a call from us. Young generation has to realize that the life after retirement is completely different. In Ukraine lots of people just have nothing to do except spend time watching TV, doing housework or gardening. And in Europe, on the contrary, a decent life begins after retirement. There are numerous hobby clubs, language courses and schools for elderly residents. So, there are plenty of ways to spend leisure time. To sum up, I reckon that such establishments need to be built in Ukraine in order that elderly people don’t be lonely. They need to feel alive, to be busy and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.
You’ve mentioned crucial problems and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with you completely. Ukraine gained its independence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30 years ago, it’s a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
that’s why there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
issues to solve.
In addition
to your opinion I’d like to name a problem of elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s loneliness.

Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is too rapid and days go by
extremely
quickly
. Routine and daily choirs give us no time for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ourselves and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lose the connection with our parents and grandparents who need our attention
especially
.
First
we forget to call them, then we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
too tired to visit them once a week.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
they’re sitting and waiting for a call from us. Young generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
realize that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
after retirement is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. In Ukraine lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have nothing to do except spend time watching TV, doing housework or gardening. And in Europe,
on the contrary
, a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
after retirement. There are numerous hobby clubs, language courses and schools for elderly residents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of ways to spend leisure time.

To sum up, I reckon that such establishments need to
be built
in Ukraine in order that elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don’t be lonely. They need to feel alive, to be busy and enjoy the simple pleasures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay elderly people’s loneliness

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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