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Education is crucial part in societies children should learn to get A good position in the future some parent give their kids money as a gift when they get a high score in their academic achievement other believe giving money to children is not a suitable

Education is crucial part in societies children should learn to get A good position in the future some parent give their kids money as a gift when they get a high score in their academic achievement other believe giving money to children is not a suitable 8507B
Education is crucial part in societies, children should learn to get A good position in the future, some parent give their kids money as a gift when they get a high score in their academic achievement, other believe, giving money to children is not a suitable method to reward them for good performance. In my perspective, I do not concur with the statement that parent give students money when they gain a good grade. In the following essay I will elaborate on a couple reason to explain my point of view. First and foremost, when father and mother give their children money in this critical age, this will might encourage them to do bad habits like smoking or buying alcohol. In addition they will be ahuge attention to the money, because their goals only get money, this is compelling example, my friend used to give her son money when he gets a good score in his test to encourage him to study hard and increase their level, when his son became sixteen years old, he worked in restaurant and can gain own finance without need to his parent, hence he neglects his learning, then he give up the school. From this we can understand that we should learn our kids thart there is something important than money to concern about it, which is the education. Furthermore, there are many things we can buy for our kids when they improve their score rather than giving money, for example, I always give my daughter gift like buy doll, nice dress, or anything she interests with to encourage her to study more, furthermore I explain to her a lot of information that help her to understand life perfectly, in addition we can go with our kids to see movie or nice trip, in this way we can spend enjoyable time. Moreover, school should give a gift for high level student when they have a good grade to incentive them to study hard, in conclusion, this ways give as a paramount methods to encourage our kids to be smart. To sum up, the statement that giving money to talent kids is not as persuasive as to it stands, based on exposition that mentioned above, that the money will ruin kids behavior, and may lead to opposite result, especially when the student grow up and be independent after they begin their own jobs.
Education is crucial part in societies, children should learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
position in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "parents"?
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a gift when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high score in their academic achievement, other believe, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to children is not a suitable method to reward them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
performance. In my perspective, I do not concur with the statement that parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when they gain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grade. In the following essay I will elaborate on a couple reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my point of view.

First
and foremost, when father and mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in this critical age, this will might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
them to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like smoking or buying alcohol. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, they".
addition they
will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
ahuge
attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their goals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, this is compelling example, my friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
her son
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
score in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
him to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and increase their level, when his son became sixteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, he worked in restaurant and can gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
finance without need to his parent,
hence
he neglects his learning, then he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gives", "gave".
give
up the school. From this we can understand that we should learn our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
Possible spelling mistake found.
thart
there is something
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to concern about it, which is the education.

Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their score
rather
than giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
for example
, I always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
my daughter gift like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
doll, nice dress, or anything she interests with to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
her to study more,
furthermore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her to understand life
perfectly
,
in addition
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
movie or nice trip, in this way we can spend enjoyable time.
Moreover
, school should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a gift for high level student when they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grade to incentive them to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
in conclusion
, this ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
as a paramount
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "method"?
methods
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to be smart.

To sum up, the statement that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is not as persuasive as to it stands, based on exposition that mentioned above, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will ruin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
behavior, and may lead to opposite result,
especially
when the student grow up and be independent after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
jobs.
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IELTS essay Education is crucial part in societies children should learn to get A good position in the future some parent give their kids money as a gift when they get a high score in their academic achievement other believe giving money to children is not a suitable

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
398 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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