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Who would you choose to build a statue in your country

Who would you choose to build a statue in your country OVnJp
Nowadays, people would like to respect celebrities belonging to their own society by building monuments and statues. If I had the opportunity to choose to build a statue of a famous person, I would prefer to assign that to Mirza Taghi Khan Farahani, known as Amir Kabir, one of the most respectable and worthy politicians and nobles in Iran. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on some reasons that I think it is very important to make this decision. My first reason and maybe the most important one is that during the history of my country, Iran, there were not many politicians who devoted themselves to the development and progress of the country in terms of industry, culture, health care, education, and so on. Kings and royalties, at their best, preferred to expand their territory and improve military forces as much as possible while they did not care much about issues like sustainable development and providing prosperity for residents. They thought as if they are only responsible for fighting against other rulers in order to obtain much property. However, Amir Kabir who lived about two centuries ago was a sophisticated nobleman who was the son of the master chef of the castle at first, and as a result of his intelligence, perseverance, and merits progressed very soon. After a while, he turned out to be promoted to the position of prime minister. He came up with many wise ideas to reform the country where was not very well developed until then while European countries were competing for a faster transition to modernity. During his short career as the prime minister, he managed to build the first university, found the best modern hospitals, change the culture of the conservative society, and fight against ignorance and superstitions. For example, since they felt vaccination had a prolonged magical influence on them, people resisted being immunized against Cholera, which was the cause of death of a lot of people back then. However, Amir Kabir did not give up and eventually forced people to be vaccinated, and this way many infectious diseases stopped spreading. He also struggled against the oppression and corruption of the courtiers, who finally could not tolerate his actions and killed him after a calculated conspiracy. My second reason is that, from my point of view, young people need to have an excellent role model to copy their ideas and actions. If we don't introduce a good one, they will be likely to choose someone on their own who is not necessarily the best choice. Because of their lack of life experience, they tend to be attracted to propaganda spread by some actors who may have detrimental influences on their behavior and attitudes. Therefore, I think we should attach importance to introducing great political and historical idols who sacrificed themselves for their country and letting adolescents know their achievements. Young people should be aware of the attempts that have been contributed historically to the progress of their country. Not only does building a statue of such a great nobleman represent a sign of respect and admiration for him, but also it offers others a great opportunity to know him. Lastly, I think the best way to revive brilliant aspects of our culture and communicating them to other cultures and societies is by remembering our historical idols and learning significant lessons from their accomplishments. By keeping their names and memories alive and, of course, following the path they have laid for us. Erecting a statue of Amir Kabir in a visible place lets visitors be interested in knowing him and his achievements, which in turn leads them to admire him and his impressive actions. The greatness and glory of a nation can be discovered through their heroes and the level of regard they have for them. To sum up, based on the aforementioned arguments, there are a myriad of reasons that explain why I would prefer to build the statue of Amir Kabir if I could. Some of the reasons, such as respect for his achievements and reforms, introducing a great role model to young people, and communicating brilliant aspects of our culture to other nations, are mentioned above. However, that was like a story in a nutshell. Actually, there are some other reasons which are not mentioned above.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to respect celebrities belonging to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
society by building monuments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statues
. If I had the opportunity to choose to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statue
of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person, I would prefer to assign that to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mirza
Possible spelling mistake found.
Taghi
Khan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Farahani
, known as Amir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kabir
, one of the most respectable and worthy politicians and nobles in Iran. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this decision.

My
first
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reason
and maybe the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that during the history of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, Iran, there were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
politicians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
devoted themselves to the development and progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in terms of industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, health care, education, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Kings and royalties, at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
, preferred to expand their territory and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
military forces as much as possible while they did not care much about issues like sustainable development and providing prosperity for residents. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
responsible for fighting against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
rulers in order to obtain much property.
However
, Amir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kabir
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
about two centuries ago was a sophisticated nobleman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was the son of the master chef of the castle at
first
, and
as a result
of his intelligence, perseverance, and merits progressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. After a while, he turned out to
be promoted
to the position of prime minister. He came up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to reform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
until then while European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
were competing for a faster transition to modernity. During his short career as the prime minister, he managed to build the
first
university, found the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
modern hospitals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of the conservative society, and fight against ignorance and superstitions.
For example
, since they felt vaccination had a prolonged magical influence on them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
resisted
being immunized
against Cholera, which was the cause of death of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
back then.
However
, Amir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kabir
did not give up and
eventually
forced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be vaccinated
, and this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
infectious diseases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
spreading. He
also
struggled against the oppression and corruption of the courtiers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
finally
could not tolerate his actions and killed him after a calculated conspiracy.

My second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that, from my point of view, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to have an excellent role model to copy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and actions. If we don't introduce a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one, they will be likely to choose someone on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is not
necessarily
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
choice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their lack of life experience, they tend to
be attracted
to propaganda spread by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
may have detrimental influences on their behavior and attitudes.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should attach importance to introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
political and historical idols
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
sacrificed themselves for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and letting adolescents know their achievements. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware of the attempts that have
been contributed
historically
to the progress of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "goes building".
does building
a
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statue
of such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
nobleman represent a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of respect and admiration for him,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it offers others a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
opportunity to know him.

Lastly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
way to revive brilliant aspects of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and communicating them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and societies is by remembering our historical idols and learning significant lessons from their accomplishments. By keeping their names and memories alive and,
of course
, following the path they have laid for us. Erecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statue
of Amir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kabir
in a visible place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
visitors
be interested
in knowing him and his achievements, which in turn leads them to admire him and his impressive actions. The greatness and glory of a nation can
be discovered
through their heroes and the level of regard they have for them.

To sum up, based on the aforementioned arguments, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "myriads"?
myriad
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I would prefer to build the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statue
of Amir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kabir
if I could.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, such as respect for his achievements and reforms, introducing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
role model to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and communicating brilliant aspects of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations,
are mentioned
above.
However
, that was like a story in a nutshell. Actually, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which are not mentioned above.
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IELTS essay Who would you choose to build a statue in your country

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
717 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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