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Why are people living longer

Why are people living longer jR1yy
That people nowadays are living longer compared to people who lived in the past is a trustworthy and reasonable fact. Because of the extended human lifetime, we can see an explosive trend in the population of the world these days. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on some reasons that I think are more responsible for the increase in the lifetime of modern-day humans. The first reason and maybe the most important one is that alongside the recent developments in industry, agriculture, housing, and other aspects of human civilization, a myriad of significant improvements has occurred in the health sector. Recent findings in sciences and techniques related to health services have allowed doctors to successfully deal with serious diseases and illnesses which were the main causes of death in the past. Scientists have managed to find intelligent solutions for complicated treatments and give people suffering from dangerous diseases like cancers, heart problems, and diabetes while researching methods to efficiently vaccinate children against a variety of widespread viruses, which could turn an energetic city into a cemetery just a few centuries ago. In addition, recent achievements in the design of equipped cleanrooms have led to more successful operations in hospitals. On the other hand, over the last few decades, many researchers have worked remarkably on curing patients using artificial intelligence, which seems like a real revolution in health care. Another reason is that by the formation of official diplomatic relationships between governments as a result of modernization, governments now strive to solve the conflicts using more peaceful ways instead of fighting wars, which might contribute to a sudden decline in the population in the past centuries. Consequently, nowadays, fewer military and ordinary people are killed in war fields. If the governments succeed to maintain peace throughout the world, the fights, which concern a lot of people, will be avoided. For example, during World Wars I and II, thousands of people were killed in Europe. However, European governments since then have learned a lot from those events and tried to avoid them. Lastly, people now can easily keep a balance between their work and life. Nevertheless, there were not a lot of entertainment facilities and chances to travel around the world in the past. People could not relieve pressures and stresses easily and had not many opportunities to relax while suffering from poor working conditions. The inconvenient lifestyle of people and possible threats during work might cause untimely death. People had to work hard and save their needs for the times when there were severe weather conditions. To sum up, based on the aforementioned arguments, there are a myriad of reasons that explain why humans are living longer than before. Some of the reasons, such as the recent improvements in health care and treatments, attempts of governments to avoid conflicts, keeping a balance between work and life, and better work conditions, are mentioned above. However, that was like a story in a nutshell. Actually, there are some other reasons which are mentioned above.
That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are living longer compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is a trustworthy and reasonable fact.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the extended human lifetime, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an explosive trend in the population of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
these days. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
are more responsible for the increase in the lifetime of modern-day humans.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
and maybe the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that alongside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
developments in industry, agriculture, housing, and other aspects of human civilization, a myriad of significant improvements has occurred in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Recent
findings in sciences and techniques related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
doctors to
successfully
deal with serious diseases and illnesses which were the main causes of death in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Scientists have managed to find intelligent solutions for complicated treatments and give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases like cancers, heart problems, and diabetes while researching methods to
efficiently
vaccinate children against a variety of widespread viruses, which could turn an energetic city into a cemetery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few centuries ago.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
achievements in the design of equipped
Possible spelling mistake found.
cleanrooms
have led to more successful operations in hospitals.
On the other hand
, over the last few decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers have worked
remarkably
on curing patients using artificial intelligence, which seems like a real revolution in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that by the formation of official diplomatic relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
as a result
of modernization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
strive to solve the conflicts using more peaceful ways
instead
of fighting wars, which might contribute to a sudden decline in the population in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
centuries.
Consequently
, nowadays, fewer military and ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are killed
in war fields. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
succeed to maintain peace throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the fights, which concern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, will
be avoided
.
For example
, during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Wars I and II, thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were killed
in Europe.
However
, European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
since then have learned a lot from those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and tried to avoid them.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a balance between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life.
Nevertheless
, there were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
entertainment facilities and chances to travel around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
could not relieve pressures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
easily
and had not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to relax while suffering from poor working conditions. The inconvenient lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and possible threats during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
might cause
untimely
death.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and save their needs for the times when there were severe weather conditions.

To sum up, based on the aforementioned arguments, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "myriads"?
myriad
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why humans are living longer than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care and treatments, attempts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to avoid conflicts, keeping a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life, and better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
conditions,
are mentioned
above.
However
, that was like a story in a nutshell. Actually, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which
are mentioned
above.
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IELTS essay Why are people living longer

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
502 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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