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Education and school and family

Education and school and family 9wXJp
Every human being is born without knowing anything about the world and about life. That’s why he has to be educated by his family or the school. Many people think that the education we receive from our family is more important than the education we receive from schools. I disagree with this point of view and I think that both kinds of education we receive are important in our life. (69) Firstly, it would be impossible for anyone to become a doctor without going to school. Schools teach us the required academic skills and knowledge we need to practice these professions. They also give us the degree and certificate we need to prove that we are qualified at what we are doing. (51) Secondly, in schools, we can learn things that we can’t learn at home with our family like public speaking and teamwork. Also the teachers that are in schools are certified. In addition, we can find a specific teacher for each subject, so it will be easier for the child to learn. (50) On the other hand, family is also important, because they educate the child on the basis of education, like respecting others and how to have good behaviour. Also parents can transfer their experience in life and skills to their child. For example, if the father is a tennis player, he can give his kid a lot of tennis tips that he can’t learn at school. (68) To conclude, I think that we don’t have to compare the education we receive from family and the education we receive from schools because they are both very important in our life, and also they complete each other. (39)
Every human being
is born
without knowing anything about the

world and about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. That’s why he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be educated
by his family

or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
from

our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
from

schools. I disagree with this point of view and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both kinds

of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. (69)

Firstly
, it would be impossible for anyone to become a doctor

without going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
teach us the required academic

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge we need to practice these professions.

They
also
give us the degree and certificate we need to prove that

we
are qualified
at what we are doing. (51)

Secondly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, we can learn things that we can’t learn at

home with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
like public speaking and teamwork.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the

teachers that are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are certified
.
In addition
, we can find a

specific teacher for each subject,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will be easier for the child to

learn. (50)

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they educate

the child on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, like respecting others and how

to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Also
parents can transfer their experience

in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to their child.
For example
, if the father is a tennis

player, he can give his kid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tennis tips that he can’t learn at

school. (68)

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
we

receive from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
from schools

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and
also
they

complete each other. (39)
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IELTS essay Education and school and family

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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