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Educated people are choosing abroad for jobs. Is this a positive trend

Educated people are choosing abroad for jobs. Is this a positive trend kPxR
Educated people are immigrating from poorer countries to developed countries as they finish their bachelor’s degrees. Some people believe that advanced nations are stealing professionals from less developed countries, to which I differ. In my view, I consider that richer countries provide a decent package that helps the less developed countries back and provide with the state-of-the-art equipment which would otherwise be impossible to work. On the one hand, where employees from less developed countries get employment also send money back to support their dependents. This money contributes to the economy of the country and the gross domestic product (GDP). Furthermore, when people from less explored areas visit another country, they promote their culture, and people start taking interests. Thus, more tourists are attracted to see various cultures and explore the less explored areas, which support tourism and hence, contribute to the GDP of the nation. On the other hand, the developed nations have more vacancies and opportunities for jobs compare to the developing countries. Also, the jobs are highly paid and provide far better incentives. Besides, richer countries have more experts, upgraded facilities, and professional teams while working with them, provides a chance to work with and learn from them at the same time. Nevertheless, people from the less developed nations, who excel and achieve success, will be remembered along with them their backgrounds to which they originally belong. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that advanced countries provide better opportunities, earn more, and provide a chance to work with professionals and learn from them that help back the poorer.
Educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are immigrating from poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as they finish their bachelor’s degrees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that advanced nations are stealing professionals from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, to which I differ. In my view, I consider that richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a decent package that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
back and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
with the state-of-the-art equipment which would
otherwise
be impossible to work.

On the one hand, where employees from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
money back to support their dependents. This money contributes to the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the gross domestic product (GDP).
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
explored areas visit another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they promote their culture, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking interests.
Thus
, more tourists
are attracted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
various cultures and explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
explored areas, which support tourism and
hence
, contribute to the GDP of the nation.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
nations have more vacancies and opportunities for jobs compare to the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Also
, the jobs are
highly
paid and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
far better incentives.
Besides
, richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have more experts, upgraded facilities, and professional teams while working with them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
a chance to work with and learn from them at the same time.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
nations, who excel and achieve success, will
be remembered
along with them their backgrounds to which they
originally
belong.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
better opportunities, earn more, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a chance to work with professionals and learn from them that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
back the poorer.
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IELTS essay Educated people are choosing abroad for jobs. Is this a positive trend

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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