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E-sports can be regarded as traditional sports to be promoted to youngsters

E-sports can be regarded as traditional sports to be promoted to youngsters y2A3
The prosperity of E-sports is exhibited in almost all corners of the world nowadays. With the exploding of E-sports, more and more people become one of them. However, recently, a controversial proposal is put forward, suggesting that E-sports can be regarded as traditional sports to be promoted to youngsters. After taking a myriad of factors into consideration, I on the contrary, believe that it will bring many negative effects to young people. First and foremost, due to safety concern, E-sports should not to be promoted to youth. Unlike traditional sport players, those who play virtual games before computer screen are always sedentary, which brings several diseases like head ache or obesity, to name but a few. Moreover, playing to many video games can get you addicted to them. As a result, withdrawal symptoms as well as anxious emotion will be showed. Undoubtedly, the most typical feature of sports is moving body and muscle and their most crucial function is to improve our health. Unfortunately, E-sports are totally inverse, causing both physical and psychological problems to teenagers. That is the reason why we can not permit it to be promoted to them. Furthermore, the another reason against E-sports is that it damages youngsters’ ability to socialize as they limit themselves to an indoor lifestyle, which means that they only meet people online and never meet people in person. In addition, most of conversation in online games can not be considered meaningful since they just play a game with each other and then say goodbye. In the long-term, it does not only destroy the relationship with family and friends, but also let young children loss the ability and intention to interact people in person, which is not helpful for them to face society in the future. Evidently, these are extremely harmful effects to youth. On the contrary, we can not omit benefits that E-sports render to youth. During playing games, youngster are required to have quick reaction and physical coordination which is same as traditional sports. After exercises, their relevant skills will be well improved. Nevertheless, although the fact that E-spots have advantages, it is the contact of E-sports that youth should decrease by consideration of their low self-control abilities and for preventing the appearance of negative effects mentioned above. All in all, in order to curb the side effects that E-sports bring to young peoples’ daily life, it can not be regarded as sports to be promoted to youngsters. In spite of existence of its benefits, there are more drawbacks than positive side. Anyhow, safety and children’ future come to everything. 435W
The prosperity of E-sports
is exhibited
in almost all corners of the world nowadays. With the exploding of E-sports, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become one of them.
However
, recently, a controversial proposal
is put
forward, suggesting that E-sports can
be regarded
as traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoted
to youngsters. After taking a myriad of factors into consideration, I
on the contrary
, believe that it will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

First
and foremost, due to safety concern, E-sports should not to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoted
to youth. Unlike traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
players, those who play virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
computer screen are always sedentary, which brings several diseases like head ache or obesity, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few.
Moreover
, playing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
you addicted to them.
As a result
, withdrawal symptoms
as well
as anxious emotion will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
.
Undoubtedly
, the most typical feature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is moving body and muscle and their most crucial function is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our health. Unfortunately, E-sports are
totally
inverse, causing both physical and psychological problems to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
That is
the reason why we can not permit it to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoted
to them.

Furthermore
, the another reason against E-sports is that it damages youngsters’ ability to socialize as they limit themselves to an indoor lifestyle, which means that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
online and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in person.
In addition
,
Consider using "most conversation" or "most of the conversation".
most of conversation
in online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can not
be considered
meaningful since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
play a game with each other and then say goodbye. In the long-term, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the relationship with family and friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
young children loss the ability and intention to interact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in person, which is not helpful for them to face society in the future.
Evidently
, these are
extremely
harmful effects to youth.

On the contrary
, we can not omit benefits that E-sports render to youth. During playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
are required
to have quick reaction and physical coordination which is same as traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. After exercises, their relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will be well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Nevertheless
, although the fact that E-spots have advantages, it is the contact of E-sports that youth should decrease by consideration of their low self-control abilities and for preventing the appearance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects mentioned above.

All in all, in order to curb the side effects that E-sports bring to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
daily life, it can not
be regarded
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoted
to youngsters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
existence of its benefits, there are more drawbacks than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side. Anyhow, safety and children’ future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to everything.

435W
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IELTS essay E-sports can be regarded as traditional sports to be promoted to youngsters

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
430 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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