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"During the past year, workers at our newly opened factory reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries. Panoply produces products very similar to those produced at our factory, but its work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents. Panoply's superior safety record can therefore be attributed to its shorter work shifts, which allow its employees to get adequate amounts of rest."

"During the past year, workers at our newly opened factory reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries. Panoply produces products very similar to those produced at our factory, but its work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents. Panoply's superior safety record can therefore be attributed to its shorter work shifts, which allow its employees to get adequate amounts of rest. " wBqqq
In the memo, The vice president concludes that the Panpoly's shorter work shifts are the resoan for their less number of accidents during the job. The vice president come to this conlusion based on the reported accidents in both of the factories and the experts' statment regarding on-job accidents. While the assertion from the vice president might be true, as it stands now, the argument relies on three unwarranted assumptions that hinders its credibility. First of all, the author assumes that every on-job-accidents were reported by the Panoply company. But this might not be the case. It is also possible that Panoply Company did not report every accident to maintain there gave wrong impression to others. In addition to this, the company only considered big injury as an accident, thus only report those accidents. If either of the above scenario hold true, then author's argument does not hold water. Morover, the author presumes that the work shift should be same as the Panoply company as they both are developing same items. However, this might not be the case. Perhaps company in which the author is working paying more for the extra one hour. It is also possible that Panoply Company remains open during holidays, so the company is leaving their manforce one hour early. If either of the above scenario hold true, then author's argument falls apart.
In the memo, The vice president concludes that the
Panpoly
's shorter work shifts are the
resoan
for their less number of
accidents
during the job. The vice president
come
to this
conlusion
based on the reported
accidents
in both of the factories and the experts'
statment
regarding on-job
accidents
. While the assertion from the vice president might be true, as it stands
now
, the argument relies on three unwarranted assumptions that hinders its credibility.

First of all
, the author assumes that every on-job-accidents
were reported
by the
Panoply
company
.
But
this might not be the case. It is
also
possible that
Panoply
Company
did not report every
accident
to maintain there gave
wrong
impression to others.
In addition
to this, the
company
only
considered
big
injury as an
accident
,
thus
only
report those
accidents
. If either of the above scenario hold true, then author's argument does not hold water.

Morover
, the author presumes that the work shift should be same as the
Panoply
company
as they both are developing same items.
However
, this might not be the case. Perhaps
company
in which the author is working paying more for the extra one hour. It is
also
possible that
Panoply
Company
remains open during holidays,
so
the
company
is leaving their
manforce
one hour early. If either of the above scenario hold true, then author's argument falls apart.
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IELTS essay "During the past year, workers at our newly opened factory reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries. Panoply produces products very similar to those produced at our factory, but its work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents. Panoply's superior safety record can therefore be attributed to its shorter work shifts, which allow its employees to get adequate amounts of rest. "

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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