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Due to the improvements in worldwide media such as TV and the net, the gap between cultures is narrowing. Global culture is believed to be of many benefits to the world. To what extent do you agree?

Due to the improvements in worldwide media such as TV and the net, the gap between cultures is narrowing. Global culture is believed to be of many benefits to the world. qaYqP
Thanks to the developments of mass media, many dramatic changes have been brought about in human life, one of which is the reality that cultural differences are reducing. This phenomenon is known as globalization; which I totally agree that is beneficial to the world. Here in what follows, I intend to shed light on my reasons and explanations. One of the substantial benefits associated with global culture could be the idea that it might result in worldwide peace. It has been evidently witnessed that throughout the history, almost all wars and conflicts including two world wars, Middle Eastern wars as well as civil wars in Africa, etc. have been rooted from cultural, racial and religious disparities. If such bias and bigotry over one’s particular culture have faded away, disparities and divisions among world nations will have vanished. Therefore, there will most probably be no other cause for the outbreak of a new war. A case in point is Europe that experienced no other war after the Second World War ended in 1945 because their cultural similarities nowadays far outweigh their dissimilarities. Equally important to note is the development and expansion of worldwide trading. In such a world whose cultures are to a large extent similar, their needs and demands are most likely to resemble as well. Consequently, countries specializing in a specific product will be given the opportunity to present it to the entire world and yield much financial benefits. For instance, coffee did not use to be consumed a lot, say, until 30 years ago in the Middle East; however, it has been one of the frequently consumed drinks not only there but in the whole world. Thus, largest producers and exporters of coffee such as Colombia and Brazil yield billions of dollars annually as a result of such cultural bridging. In conclusion, global culture, from my point of view, will bring many profits and advantages to the world, two of which were discussed above in detail. No wonder, this phenomenon could enhance quality of life and standards of living all over the globe.
Thanks to the developments of mass media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have
been brought
about in human life, one of which is the reality that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
differences are reducing. This phenomenon
is known
as globalization; which I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that is
beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Here in what follows, I intend to shed light on my reasons and explanations.

One of the substantial benefits associated with global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
could be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it might result in worldwide peace. It has been
evidently
witnessed that throughout the history, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
and conflicts including two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
, Middle Eastern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
as well
as civil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
in Africa, etc. have
been rooted
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
, racial and religious disparities. If such bias and bigotry over one’s particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
have faded away, disparities and divisions among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
nations will have vanished.
Therefore
, there will most
probably
be no other cause for the outbreak of a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
. A case in point is Europe that experienced no other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
after the Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
War
ended in 1945
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
similarities nowadays far outweigh their dissimilarities.

Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to note is the development and expansion of worldwide trading. In such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are to a large extent similar, their needs and demands are most likely to resemble
as well
.
Consequently
, countries specializing in a specific product will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to present it to the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and yield much financial benefits.
For instance
, coffee did not
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
be consumed
a lot, say, until 30 years ago in the Middle East;
however
, it has been one of the
frequently
consumed drinks not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Thus
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the largest".
largest
producers and exporters of coffee such as Colombia and Brazil yield billions of dollars
annually
as a result
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
bridging.

In conclusion
, global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, from my point of view, will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
profits and advantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, two of which
were discussed
above in detail. No wonder, this phenomenon could enhance quality of life and standards of living all over the globe.
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IELTS essay Due to the improvements in worldwide media such as TV and the net, the gap between cultures is narrowing. Global culture is believed to be of many benefits to the world.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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