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Due to science and technology the world is becoming more and more similar Do you think it is a positive or negative development

Due to science and technology the world is becoming more and more similar Do you think it is a positive or negative development 3yaY
The improvement in science and technology has been seen as bringing the world together and many believe that it has bettered humanity in many ways. In my opinion, i strongly believe that science and technology have so improved our educational system as well as entertainment industry. Firstly, the advancement in science and technology brought about recognition of education certificates obtained from other countries. For instance These days, an individual can work or study further in countries like USA, UK, GERMANY etc with educational certificates obtained in their home countries. This is because the trend and styles of teaching, practical and curriculum are almost same hence the certificates have the same value anywhere in the world. Secondly, the acceptance of science and technology by people of different part of the world could be seen over the years as affecting the way of thinking positively even though it has it's own drawbacks. For instance, Previously, people's thinking were noticed to be crude, primitive, and limited to things around them with alot of irrelevances however with science and technology Man (primitive)has been observed to think out the box, make use of available gadgets like Televisions, Radios and smart phones to connect to connect to individuals from all works of life with the use of different social media platforms, to make friends, get married, find jobs etc. Thirdly Despite the negative effects of science and technology in Entertainment industries like certain movies, films, comedies and music video which shows no moral lessons to the viewers. However, it has improved the entertainment industry in way that most countries of the world now play their traditional music in classic, circular and jazz style. Moreso The Indian Bollywood shows the original plug when it comes to love movies has being imitated by Ghanawood, nollywood and Hollywood. Moreso people donot have to wait for long to watch newly released video as they can watch them in the cinema at a lower rate with much fun attached. Finally, Science and technology have also developed more individual as more and more people are now getting used to modern facilities and adapt and align accordingly in any country they find themselves in. For Example Due to the improvement in science and technology, individuals will learn how to operate lifts, moving steps, water heater etc in their own country and this will not pose a problem to them on travlling to a more developed country. In conclusion, the evidence of the improvement in science and technology could be seen to be of great advantage and in my opinion, I believe it has improved the standard of living with reference to Our educational system and entertainment industries.
The improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as bringing the world together and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that it has bettered humanity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our educational system
as well
as entertainment industry.

Firstly
, the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brought about recognition of education certificates obtained from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
These days, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can work or study
further
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
, UK, GERMANY etc with educational certificates obtained in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the trend and styles of teaching, practical and curriculum are almost same
hence
the certificates have the same value anywhere in the world.

Secondly
, the acceptance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part of the world could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
over the years as affecting the way of thinking
positively
even though
it has
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drawbacks.
For instance
, Previously,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's thinking
were noticed
to be crude, primitive, and limited to things around them with
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of irrelevances
however
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
(primitive)has
been observed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out the box,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of available gadgets like Televisions, Radios and smart phones
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "to connect".
to connect to connect
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
from all works of life with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social media platforms, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married, find jobs etc.

Thirdly
Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in Entertainment industries like certain movies, films, comedies and music video which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
no moral lessons to the viewers.
However
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the entertainment industry in way that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
play their traditional music in classic, circular and jazz style.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moreso
The Indian Bollywood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the original plug when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
movies has
being imitated
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanawood
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nollywood
and Hollywood.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moreso
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for long to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
newly
released video as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them in the cinema at a lower rate with much fun attached.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have
also
developed more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
as more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to modern facilities and adapt and align
accordingly
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they find themselves in.
For Example
Due to the improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will learn how to operate lifts, moving steps, water heater etc in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and this will not pose a problem to them on
Possible spelling mistake found.
travlling
to a more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
.

In conclusion
, the evidence of the improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be of great advantage and in my opinion, I believe it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the standard of living with reference to Our educational system and entertainment industries.
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IELTS essay Due to science and technology the world is becoming more and more similar Do you think it is a positive or negative development

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
444 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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