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Due to modernization the number of criminal activities are decreasing

Due to modernization the number of criminal activities are decreasing 2lAAw
Due to modernization the number of criminal activities are declining as compared to the oldern times. I would disagree with the above statement as now a day's although there is advancement in technology the criminal rates are increasing drastically as there is alot of competition between people which creates hatred between the citizens. Next, there are no strict rules that are followed by the Government and everything is become a money making racket thus the criminals are not afraid about what will happen to them if they commit a crime. For example, In India the crime rates are increasing day by day as there are no strict penalty that is given to the criminals as compared to the people in Arab countries. Moreover, due to advanced technology and modernization teenagers misuse their freedom by watching unwanted movies and shows which gets them tempted eventually leading them into the wrong direction. Furthermore, people have a lot of lust and greed and are never satisfied with what they have making them indulge into criminal activities. For example, in today's world for any criminal activity some people pay money and the case is closed. In my opinion, I feel that the criminal rates are increasing as everything is changing and people are becoming more inhuman and forgetting the values of life and also due to the rise in the lifestyle not everyone is very well to do and life is become too easy that they do not think about the consequences. Therefore the Government has to make strict decision whether it is a minor or major crime to stop the rate from increasing
Due to modernization the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities are declining as compared to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
oldern
times. I would disagree with the above statement as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day's although there is advancement in technology the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
drastically
as there is
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which creates hatred between the citizens.
Next
, there are no strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that
are followed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and everything
is become
a money making racket
thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are not afraid about what will happen to them if they commit a crime.
For example
, In India the crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
day by day as there are no strict
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "penalties"?
penalty
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Arab countries.
Moreover
, due to advanced technology and modernization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
misuse their freedom by watching unwanted movies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
them tempted
eventually
leading them into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
lust and greed and are never satisfied with what they have making them indulge into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities.
For example
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay money and the case
is closed
. In my opinion, I feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
as everything is changing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more inhuman and forgetting the values of life and
also
due to the rise in the lifestyle not everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well to do
and life
is become
too easy that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the consequences.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict decision whether it is a minor or major crime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
from
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
increasing
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IELTS essay Due to modernization the number of criminal activities are decreasing

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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