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Due to development pace of the countries being different in every part of the world, age disparity among the population across the globe siginificantly varies.

Due to development pace of the countries being different in every part of the world, age disparity among the population across the globe siginificantly varies. MMGVo
Due to development pace of the countries being different in every part of the world, age disparity among the population across the globe siginificantly varies. This results in some countries, preferably the underdeveloped, having relatively more younger adults than others do; futhermore, this gives rise to population of elderly being rather tiny compared to the younger people’s. There comes numerous upsides and downsides with this age polarity. In my opinion, advantages of having a younger population slightly surpass disadvantages of it. As nations develop, fertility rates gradually drop. Thus, a country ends up with having more and more elderly to supply and look after. Hence, economic burden of these group of people escalates. To exemplify, older generation is more susceptible to be affected by health problems and they cannot overcome these situations themselves. So, governments are responsible to finance their needs of well-being. The healthcare budget would be directed for different kinds of services in a country which has a lower mean age. On top of that, younger adults are capable of contributing to the society in more creative and supportive manner owing to their higher intellectual and physical abilities. On the other hand, country with a older majority of people would eventually have more cumulative experience throughout its residents. This gives birth to acumen of the mean individual being rather higher compared to the younger community. For instance, the tutors of a university is generally older adults. So, this means a country is dependent on its elderly inhabitans in order to progress educationally. Although, a country with a crucial amount of older citizens is blessed with their smartness and brilliance, there are a plethora of reasons why younger people would assist a nation to develop and function in a better fashion than an elderly dominant one.
Due to development pace of the
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countries
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in every part of the world, age disparity among the population across the globe
Possible spelling mistake found.
siginificantly
varies. This results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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countries
,
preferably
the underdeveloped, having
relatively
more
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younger
adults than others do;
Possible spelling mistake found.
futhermore
, this gives rise to population of
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elderly
being
rather
tiny compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
. There
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
numerous upsides and downsides with this age polarity. In my opinion, advantages of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
population
slightly
surpass disadvantages of it.

As nations develop, fertility rates
gradually
drop.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
ends up with having more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
to supply and look after.
Hence
, economic burden of these group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
escalates. To exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation is more susceptible to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by health
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
they cannot overcome these situations themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are responsible to finance their needs of well-being. The healthcare budget would
be directed
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of services in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which has a lower mean age.
On top of that
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
adults are capable of contributing to the society in more creative and supportive manner owing to their higher intellectual and physical abilities.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
eventually
have more cumulative experience throughout its residents. This gives birth to acumen of the mean individual being
rather
higher compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
community.
For instance
, the tutors of a university is
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this means a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is dependent on its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
Possible spelling mistake found.
inhabitans
in order to progress
educationally
.

Although, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with a crucial amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
citizens
is blessed
with their smartness and brilliance, there are a plethora of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would assist a nation to develop and function in a better fashion than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
dominant one.
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IELTS essay Due to development pace of the countries being different in every part of the world, age disparity among the population across the globe siginificantly varies.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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