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Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading . To what extant do you agree?

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extant do you agree? kJGK
Activity is more important part of our life. Some eshelons of the society reckon that enjoyable activity with a child is more creative rather than reading. This eassy will shed lighten upon the points of this view in the upcoming paragraph. To set the wheels in the motion, there are myraid of advantages of this statement. the most conspicious one is that it inhance the knowledge of the children. because they learn about new ideas or skill and then they can easily grasp the idea and boost up their learning skill as well as increase the confidence. Moreover, if teacher teach to the students through in practical way and allow for group discussion then children can easily gain knowledge as comparied to reading. along with improvenent of their skills and sharpening their mind. Delving deeper, if children learn with the children then this inclined their corridination skill. whereas strong their realtion bonds. so people can easily coprate with other person. Additionaly, enjoyable activity are more creative besides the reading. for example if all student are present except one student, then that student cannot grsap knowledge so its a bettar way to learn with group. because firstly gain knowledge and learn about new skill. Overall, having mulled up and after delibrating of this concept, enjoyable activity within child increase their skill rather then reading and there are many advantage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Activity
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Possible spelling mistake found.
eshelons
of the society reckon that enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
with a child is more creative
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
eassy
will shed lighten upon the points of this view in the upcoming paragraph. To set the wheels in the motion, there are
Possible spelling mistake found.
myraid
of advantages of this statement.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
most
Possible spelling mistake found.
conspicious
one is that it
Possible spelling mistake found.
inhance
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skill and
then they can
easily
grasp the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and boost up their learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
as well
as increase the confidence.
Moreover
, if teacher teach to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
through in practical way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for group discussion then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
easily
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
comparied
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
along
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
improvenent
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and sharpening their mind. Delving deeper, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
then this inclined their
Possible spelling mistake found.
corridination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
strong their
Possible spelling mistake found.
realtion
bonds.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
easily
Possible spelling mistake found.
coprate
with other person.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Additionaly
, enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
are more creative
besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example if all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
are present except one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, then that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
cannot
Possible spelling mistake found.
grsap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bettar
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
with group.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
firstly
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
Overall
, having mulled up and after
Possible spelling mistake found.
delibrating
of this concept, enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
within child increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and there are
Possible agreement error. The noun advantage seems to be countable; consider using: "many advantages".
many advantage
.
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IELTS essay Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extant do you agree?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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