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Does many people travel benefits or drawbacks opinion essey

Does many people travel benefits or drawbacks opinion essey PWBN2
Balki, sayohat qilish g'oyasi yoshlarga foyda keltiradi, so'nggi o'n yilliklar mobaynida keng tarqalgan bo'lib, ko'pchilikda turli e'tiqodlar mavjud. Shaxsan men, albatta, yuqoridagi bayonotga qo'shilaman va mening fikrimni qo'llab -quvvatlash uchun juda ko'p sabablar borBirinchidan, menimcha, bu sayohatchiga yangi narsalarni boshdan kechirish, tanlov qilish, o'zlarini mukofotlash va dunyoni o'z bilimlaridan tashqarida bilish imkoniyatini beradi. Olimlar buni isbotlaganlari, bu erda eng yaxshi tasvir bo'ladi
Balki, sayohat qilish g'oyasi yoshlarga foyda keltiradi,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
'nggi o'n yilliklar mobaynida keng tarqalgan bo'lib, ko'pchilikda turli e'tiqodlar mavjud. Shaxsan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, albatta, yuqoridagi bayonotga qo'shilaman va mening fikrimni qo'llab -quvvatlash uchun juda ko'p sabablar borBirinchidan, menimcha, bu sayohatchiga yangi narsalarni boshdan kechirish, tanlov qilish, o'zlarini mukofotlash va dunyoni o'z bilimlaridan tashqarida bilish imkoniyatini beradi. Olimlar buni isbotlaganlari, bu erda eng yaxshi tasvir bo'ladi
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IELTS essay Does many people travel benefits or drawbacks opinion essey

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
61 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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