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Doctors say that people in many countries are not doing enough physical exercise. What is the case of this problem? What can be done about it?

Doctors say that people in many countries are not doing enough physical exercise. What is the case of this problem? What can be done about it? MqeBp
It is true that as doctors say that people in many countries are lacking physical exercise. Costs of living is considered the main case of this issue. The government should be responsible for solving this problem by provided good public services. One of the most important reasons why people not have enough physical exercise is that these people tend to work harder than before in order to cover expenditure. This is because costs of living are increasing if compare in the past. For example, according to the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University in Thailand, in revealed that people who are emigrate from countryside lead to have high expenses such as rental, tuition fee, transportation and bills. Even though they already attend a job, it could not cover their expenses. Having said that people’s burden play a vital roles in their activities. In order to mitigate this problem, government should take action as soon as possible. The most significant solution to support this is the fact that the government should take an action by launching a campaign. For instant, if governments can provide not only spaces but also facilities, this can encourage people to look after themselves. By doing this, They tend to be stronger after all and elevate a quality of life To illustrate this, in recent news, it has been reported that In Japan are provided a large number of equipments in the parks so that some group of people can enjoy physical activities after work without any spending. As a result people can gain to live more fulfilling live. In conclusion, nowadays why people are not enough to look after themselves because the high cost of live are effect their lives; therefore, the government should stimulate people to maintain their health by support facilities.
It is true that as doctors say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are lacking physical exercise. Costs of living
is considered
the main case of this issue. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be responsible for solving this problem by provided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
public services.

One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
physical exercise is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to work harder than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in order to cover expenditure. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
costs of living are increasing if compare in the past.
For example
, according to the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University in Thailand, in revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
Consider using a past participle here: "emigrated".
emigrate
from countryside lead to have high expenses such as rental, tuition fee, transportation and bills.
Even though
they already attend a job, it could not cover their expenses. Having said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
burden play a vital
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "role"?
roles
in their activities.

In order to mitigate this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take action as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. The most significant solution to support this is the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take an action by launching a campaign. For instant, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can provide not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spaces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
facilities, this can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to look after themselves. By doing this, They tend to be stronger
after all
and elevate a quality of life

To illustrate this, in recent news, it has
been reported
that In Japan
are provided
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
equipments in the parks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy physical activities after work without any spending.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more fulfilling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
, nowadays why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to look after themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the high cost of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
are effect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
;
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to maintain their health by support facilities.
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IELTS essay Doctors say that people in many countries are not doing enough physical exercise. What is the case of this problem? What can be done about it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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