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Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree.

Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. ba5q
According to recent studies, it is argued that professional people such as doctors, nurses and mentors are not getting sufficient package compared with others such as performers and sports person. I, strongly agree with the declaration and this essay will discuss about this view and will recommend a suitable opinion the end. To begin with, career as medical practitioner, nursing are the toughest job to pursue. Most of the people in this category has to risk their life in order to save another individuals life. For instance, recently due to the spread to novel corona virus, many physicians put their life in danger to overcome from this virus and due to this circumstance, some of them died. Secondly, educators also makes a giant contribution to society. They help future generation children to achieve their life goals and also guide them in tough duration. In contradiction, though doctors, nurses and teachers contribute a lot in society but there are also other professionals who grant the same such as sports celebrities and artist. Since, the sport games such cricket, hockey and others contributes in making a superior reputation among world. To illustrate, Indian cricket team now is one the quality team among the world and which all the Indians are proud of. Additionally, in the field of entertainment, the tax collected on entertainment taxes impacts directly to development of the nation. In conclusion, every professional has its own features and I personally believed that executive such as doctors, nurses and teachers should be paid more as some of them risk their survival, whereas the other people like sports celebrities creates a standard image and entertainment donates in taxes.
According to recent studies, it
is argued
that professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as doctors, nurses and mentors are not getting sufficient package compared with others such as performers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person. I,
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the declaration and this essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about this
view and will recommend a suitable opinion the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, career as medical practitioner, nursing are the toughest job to pursue. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in this category
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
in order to save another
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "individuals'" or "individual's"?
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, recently due to the spread to novel
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
physicians put their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to overcome from this virus and due to this circumstance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
.
Secondly
, educators
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a giant contribution to society. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
future generation children to achieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals and
also
guide them in tough duration. In contradiction, though doctors, nurses and teachers contribute a lot in society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals who grant the same such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
celebrities and artist. Since, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
games such cricket, hockey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
contributes in making a superior reputation among world. To illustrate, Indian cricket team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the quality team among the world and which all the Indians are proud of.
Additionally
, in the field of entertainment, the tax collected on entertainment taxes impacts
directly
to development of the nation.
In conclusion
, every professional has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
features and I
personally
believed that executive such as doctors, nurses and teachers should
be paid
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their survival, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
celebrities creates a standard image and entertainment donates in taxes.
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IELTS essay Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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