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Do you think this is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their daily interaction with technology everywhere?

Do you think this is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their daily interaction with technology everywhere? AJ6YX
Nowadays, computers and other technology are necessary for school education. Students also know how to use them naturally, because they learn in school or at home since they were a child. This essay will provide the reasons why it is necessary to learn technology skills from a young age. With growing technology, most of the assignments and works are done with PC or mobile phones rather than using the old-fashioned way with pen and papers. People also do bank transactions, booking online tickets and also ordering food and their own needs etc. with their PC or mobile phones. Technology is now necessary for everyone. This is why children need to learn how to use their devices and learn technology skills in order to be successful with a highly technologically advanced lifestyle. When the teachers or parents teach their children how to use their own devices, they can do their assignments easily and they can be creative anywhere and at any time they want. Although most of the students know how to operate their devices, it is advisable for their parents or teachers to keep an eye on it in order to check if they use it wisely or not.
Nowadays, computers and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are necessary for school education. Students
also
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
naturally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in school or at home since they were a child. This essay will provide the reasons why it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from a young age.

With growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, most of the assignments and works
are done
with PC or mobile phones
rather
than using the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned way with pen and papers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
also
do bank transactions, booking online tickets and
also
ordering food and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs etc. with their PC or mobile phones.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
necessary for everyone. This is why children need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their devices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in order to be successful with a
highly
technologically
advanced lifestyle. When the teachers or parents teach their children how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
devices, they can do their assignments
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
they can be creative anywhere and at any time they want. Although most of the students know how to operate their devices, it is advisable for their parents or teachers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on it in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
or not.
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IELTS essay Do you think this is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their daily interaction with technology everywhere?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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