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Do you think the retirement age should be raised ??

Do you think the retirement age should be raised? ? KwleN
Generally, nowadays government consider to form a new law allows to increase the legal age for retirement, from my own perspective I am completely disagree with the idea that increasing the plateau level for elderly people to work over a specific age for several reasons and examples will be discussed in the following essay. Exhausitvely, there are some explanations why I dramatically refuse the previous assumption, in causality, as initial witness, if the country institutions allows to raise the current age for those who's are already ended their job requirements, this will affect negatively on the local economy, because it is prevent any further opportunities for newly graduated student to get employed as far as they can for instance, many of unemployed matures will start to consume the additional savings of the governmental salary without doing any benefit, thence, on the long term futuristically may have a unpleasant results on both youth and sensibles especially those who's above the 60 years of age, also, plethora of working hours leads to rise the physical and mental efforts that exceed the normal limit for retirement, eventually, there is a high percentage to expose their self and other customer for extreme harm either it was paper work or any outdoor job. Furhtermore, objectively, the main reason for rising the work age limit is for high wage they receive side by side the qualities, what never goes without highlighting, namely, gwt a new villa and vehicle, recently, in the modernized dwellings they offer to any worker who exceed the ultimate peak of stars which could be earned by spending huge period for multitude years, hence, big-wig managers are trying to get over the general slakes for their own interests to gather more and more money that could by gain for any extra time they could have it on the power chair. Finally, as perfect conclusion, although there is a little benefit from rising retirement age but it is still more unacceptable for the humankind slake, hopefully, in the future governmental authorities could establish a modified law that could be used in a proper manner for all ages.
Generally
, nowadays
government
consider to form
a new law
allows
to increase the legal
age
for retirement, from my
own
perspective I am completely
disagree
with the
idea
that increasing the plateau level for elderly
people
to work over a specific
age
for several reasons and examples will
be discussed
in the following essay.

Exhausitvely
, there are
some
explanations why I
dramatically
refuse the previous assumption, in causality, as initial witness, if the country institutions
allows
to raise the
current
age
for those
who's
are already ended their job requirements, this will affect
negatively
on the local economy,
because
it is
prevent
any
further
opportunities for
newly
graduated student to
get
employed as far as they can
for instance
,
many
of unemployed matures will
start
to consume the additional savings of the governmental salary without doing any benefit, thence, on the long term
futuristically
may have
a
unpleasant
results
on both youth and
sensibles
especially
those
who's
above the 60 years of
age
,
also
, plethora of working hours leads to rise the physical and mental efforts that exceed the normal limit for retirement,
eventually
, there is a high percentage to expose their self and other customer for extreme harm either it was paper work or any outdoor job.

Furhtermore
,
objectively
, the main reason for rising the work
age
limit is for high wage they receive side by side the qualities, what never goes without highlighting,
namely
,
gwt
a new villa and vehicle, recently, in the modernized dwellings they offer to any worker who exceed the ultimate peak of stars which could
be earned
by spending huge period for multitude years,
hence
,
big
-wig managers are trying to
get
over the general slakes for their
own
interests to gather more and more money that could
by
gain for any extra time they could have it on the power chair.

Finally
, as perfect conclusion, although there is a
little
benefit from rising retirement
age
but
it is
still
more unacceptable for the humankind slake,
hopefully
, in the future governmental authorities could establish a modified law that could be
used
in a proper manner
for all
ages
.
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IELTS essay Do you think the retirement age should be raised? ?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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