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the family values are deteriorating ,what are the positive and negative changes? what is your opinion

the family values are deteriorating, what are the positive and negative changes? what is your opinion kYWpn
It is nowadays observed that with changing times, family structure is changing and so is the role of family members. Most of these changes are negative as wil be discussed in detail. In the past, the word family mattered alot which meant living togather and working in unity. These days people have become very busy in practical life and donot give time to the family. Children immediately after their high schools, leave parents house in search of job and university education and rarely visit parents. Few would be lucky if they see their children on christmas and thanksgiving, majority do not. In addition the trend of oldage house is increasing as the parents reach old and fragile age, they for the fear of being neglected at home are sent to old age shelters, where they are prone to depressive illness. Mostly the changes in family structure and values have a detrimental effect on our society. when the families have lunch, breakfast and dinner together most of the stresses are reduced as they discuss problems with their adult. In addition, the grand parents were initailly involved in decison making, so their experience was very fruitful for the youngsters. As a result, this lack of collaboration leads to feeling of being isloated, having no one to discuss problems, which has resulted in marked increase in incidence of depressive illness. Both the husband and wife are working in todays world world which leads to children being neglected. The children are future pillars of our society so if they are not brought up well they may end up in immoral activities. For example, the incidence of drug addiction in teenagers is on the rise because they donot have a check from parents who are busy in earning money and making their own careers. This may result in the future crippled society of incapable, illiterate and neglected individuals who were negelected in child hood. In conclusion, the family values have deteriorated over time and they need to be improved if we want a prosperous and psycologically stable society.
It is nowadays observed that with changing times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure is changing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Most of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
wil
be discussed
in detail.

In the past, the word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
mattered
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
which meant living
Possible spelling mistake found.
togather
and working in unity. These days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy in practical life and
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
give time to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
immediately after their high schools,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in search of job and university education and rarely visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Few would be lucky if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
christmas
and thanksgiving, majority do not. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
the trend of
Possible spelling mistake found.
oldage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is increasing as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and fragile age, they for the fear of
being neglected
at home are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age shelters, where they are prone to depressive illness.

Mostly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure and values have a detrimental effect on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have lunch, breakfast and dinner together most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
as they discuss problems with their adult.
In addition
, the grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were
Possible spelling mistake found.
initailly
involved in
Possible spelling mistake found.
decison
making,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their experience was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fruitful for the youngsters.
As a result
, this lack of collaboration leads to feeling of being
Possible spelling mistake found.
isloated
, having no one to discuss problems, which has resulted in marked increase in incidence of depressive illness.

Both the husband and wife are working in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
Possible typo: you repeated a word
world world
which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being neglected
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are future pillars of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they are not brought up well they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in immoral activities.
For example
, the incidence of drug addiction in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is on the rise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are busy in earning money and making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
careers. This may result in the future crippled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
of incapable, illiterate and neglected individuals who were
Possible spelling mistake found.
negelected
in child hood.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
values have deteriorated over
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
if we want a prosperous and
Possible spelling mistake found.
psycologically
stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay the family values are deteriorating, what are the positive and negative changes? what is your opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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