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Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? xgy1a
Being an icon for common people is great but this brings problems and benefits also. If they stand-out to raise money they can get easily on their face value. But sometimes their behavior is not acceptable by the people. I personally believe that being a celebrity brings problems rather than benefits. Firstly, in my country people loves celebrities so much. But due to some circumstances celebrity could not control their emotions and misbehaved with their fans. This may have led to lose their fan following. For example, this year Fahad Mustafa hosting an event of PSL season 6. The journalist asked a question and he replied very rudely to him. Hence this talk caught up like fire and become a scandal of Fahad Mustafa. Secondly, another problem which celebrities usually face that they cannot roam public places like a common person due to the fact they have huge fan following so people wants to capture a picture with them. For instance, last week I was at the Lucky One mall. People spotted our National cricketer Shahid Afridi there and huge crowd is gathered around him to see. Although, as a Nation we are recovering from the pandemic but it still not permitted to gather without SOPs. In conclusion, I personally believe that being a celebrity in our country is more problematic. But it is so beautiful that people still show their love and gratitude to their celebrities. Furthermore, I just wanted to suggest our icons that please cater each person equally. Don’t get harsh with words. Because these words can break someone’s heart and you won’t know how bad their impact on their life will be.
Being an icon for common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this brings problems and benefits
also
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they stand-out to raise money they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
on their face value.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
their behavior is not acceptable by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
personally
believe that being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
brings problems
rather
than benefits.

Firstly
, in my country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
loves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "circumstances'" or "circumstance's"?
circumstances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
could not control their emotions and misbehaved with their fans. This may have led to lose their fan following.
For example
, this year Fahad Mustafa hosting an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
of PSL season 6. The journalist asked a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
question and
he replied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rudely
to him.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
this talk caught up like fire and become a scandal of Fahad Mustafa.

Secondly
, another problem which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
usually
face that they cannot roam public places like a common person due to the fact they have huge fan following
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to capture a picture with them.
For instance
, last week I was at the Lucky One mall.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
spotted our National cricketer Shahid
Possible spelling mistake found.
Afridi
there and huge crowd
is gathered
around him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. Although, as a Nation we are recovering from the pandemic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
still
not permitted to gather without
Possible spelling mistake found.
SOPs
.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
in our country is more problematic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and gratitude to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
Furthermore
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wanted to suggest our icons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
cater each person
equally
. Don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
harsh with words.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these words can break someone’s heart and you won’t know how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
their impact on their life will be.
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IELTS essay Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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