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Do you think students should attend extra classes after school?

Do you think students should attend extra classes after school? BWb8m
Nowadays, many students are attending extra tuition classes to get higher scores in their studies. I, however, believe that students should not do so because it can affect their health and brain functioning. In the next paragraphs, I shall discuss these points in detail. To commence with, if students spend extra time on study, they can deteriorate their health. To explain, when students do study for longer hours, it usually disturbs their digestion process and eating habits. It is because when they sit continuously they do not digest their food properly eventually it leads to serious health-related problems. For example, it can be seen that these days the majority of the students are not much active because of taking extra classes. Thus, I believe that students should not attend extra classes as it affects their health adversely. Instead of this, after school students should spend their time with their parents and by playing sports. To explain, the students who spend time with their family or who play sports are better in educations as compared to book warms. Simply, when the mind is fresh it can perform efficiently whereas if it is put in study 24x7 it can render opposite results. For example, it is scientifically verified that students with a fresh mind are more likely to get desired marks. Therefore, it is believed that students should not spend a lot of time on education instead of this they should keep their minds fresh. In conclusion, I restate my opinion that students should not consume extra time for study in lieu of that they should put themselves in recreational activities.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
tuition classes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher scores in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. I,
however
, believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can affect their health and brain functioning. In the
next
paragraphs, I shall discuss these points in detail.

To commence with, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, they can deteriorate their health. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for longer hours, it
usually
disturbs their digestion process and eating habits. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they sit
continuously
they do not digest their food
properly
eventually
it leads to serious health-related problems.
For example
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that these days the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not much active
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
classes.
Thus
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
classes as it affects their health
adversely
.

Instead
of this, after school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their parents and by playing sports. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family or who play sports are better in educations as compared to book warms.
Simply
, when the mind is fresh it can perform
efficiently
whereas if it
is put
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24x7
it can render opposite results.
For example
, it is
scientifically
verified that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with a fresh mind are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
desired marks.
Therefore
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on education
instead
of this they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their minds fresh.

In conclusion
, I restate my opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in lieu of that they should put themselves in recreational activities.
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IELTS essay Do you think students should attend extra classes after school?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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