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Do you like that liking your job is more important than how much money you earn?

Do you like that liking your job is more important than how much money you earn? BYrq6
Firstly, liking and enjoying job plays an undisputably important role in our lives because we have to spend a large amount of our time and our lives at work. If you get a job that pays really well but you cannot seem to get yourself out of bed in the morning because you dread your job so much, it is generally not going to get much better further down the road. Secondly, when people doing a fascinating job, they could have more fun, a good mood and more satisfaction with their job. Also, when they do it happily, the output would be impeccable and their salary will increase in the long run. For instance, a study conducted by a company in India has revealed that when employees feel comfortable and have supportive supeiors, they deliver better results. However, there is a widely held view among people that having a high salary job is more convenient to live nowadays. They claimed that doing a high earning career can earn a plethora of money and they should not have to worry about daily expenses and living costs. Nevertheless, if an individual does not like his profession, then he would commit mistakes frequently and always remain in stress, which might lead to drastic impacts on their health, family and social status.
Firstly
, liking and enjoying
job
plays an
undisputably
important
role in our
lives
because
we
have to
spend a large amount of our time and our
lives
at work. If you
get
a
job
that pays
really
well
but
you cannot seem to
get
yourself out of bed in the morning
because
you dread your
job
so
much, it is
generally
not going to
get
much better
further
down the road.
Secondly
, when
people
doing a fascinating
job
, they could have more fun, a
good
mood and more satisfaction with their
job
.
Also
, when they do it
happily
, the output would be impeccable and their salary will increase in the long run.
For instance
, a study conducted by a
company
in India has revealed that when employees feel comfortable and have supportive
supeiors
, they deliver better results.
However
, there is a
widely
held view among
people
that having a high salary
job
is more convenient to
live
nowadays. They claimed that doing a high earning career can earn a plethora of
money and
they should not
have to
worry about daily expenses and living costs.
Nevertheless
, if an individual does not like his profession, then he would commit mistakes
frequently
and always remain in
stress
, which might lead to drastic impacts on their health, family and social status.
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IELTS essay Do you like that liking your job is more important than how much money you earn?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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