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Do you agree that obesity is increasing in some rich countries?

Do you agree that obesity is increasing in some rich countries? LrLpp
Obesity is an alarming issue in all over the world. Many people of different country are suffering from this disease. This essay highlight the what are the reasons for this cause. To begin with, overweight has been seen in all ages of people. This problem is progressing day by days at an exponential rate. There is some reason behind this cause. Firstly, irresponsible behaviour of human. Individuals become more careless towards their health. Doing negligence in their diet. For example, junk food is the main reason of this issue. People consuming too much unhealthy food which contains large amount of palm oil and sugar, which makes the human body fat. In a recent survey in London, has reported that 70% of children and adults experiencing from this problem just because of eating trash. Secondly, the people of these generations become workaholic they engaged in work and duties. Mostly they work on the computer table for long hours. They do not realise how they are affecting their health by themselves. To overcome this problem, there are some effective ways to tackle from this problem. One approach is that, organic diet should be eaten by everyone. This diet helps them to keep strong and healthy. For example, green leaves and fruits are beneficial in improving the immune system of a person and maintain the balance of the body. Moreover, doing exercises on a regular basis could reduce fat on the body. Everyone should take out time for yoga or gym where they can burn their fat calories and boost immense stamina and energy. For example, these gym centres play a vital role in teaching the importance of health and giving knowledge of proper diet and protein. In addition, the government should implement the law against the companies like Kfc, Burger king, these stores have the large number of customers across the world who consume junk food. Imposing heavy tax and restrictions on these organisations may stop their business. In conclusion, this essay highlighted the reasons behind this cause. Unhealthy food and negligence of the humans are the reason and also provided the solution to this approach.
Obesity is an alarming issue in all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country are suffering from this disease. This essay highlight the what are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this cause.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, overweight has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in all ages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is progressing day by days at an exponential rate. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind this cause.
Firstly
, irresponsible
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of human. Individuals become more careless towards their health. Doing negligence in their diet.
For example
, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of this issue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
consuming too much unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which contains large amount of palm oil and sugar, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the human body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. In a recent survey in London, has reported that 70% of children and adults experiencing from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of eating trash.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of these generations become workaholic they engaged in work and duties.
Mostly
they work on the computer table for long hours. They do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how they are affecting their health by themselves.

To overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective ways to tackle from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. One approach is that, organic diet should
be eaten
by everyone. This diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
strong and healthy.
For example
, green
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and fruits are beneficial in improving the immune system of a person and maintain the balance of the body.

Moreover
, doing exercises on a regular basis could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
on the body. Everyone should take out time for yoga or gym where they can burn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
calories and boost immense stamina and energy.
For example
, these gym
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
play a vital role in teaching the importance of health and giving knowledge of proper diet and protein.

In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement the law against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kfc
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Burger king
, these stores have the large number of customers across the world who consume junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Imposing heavy tax and restrictions on these
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their business.

In conclusion
, this essay highlighted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this cause. Unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and negligence of the humans are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
and
also
provided the solution to this approach.
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IELTS essay Do you agree that obesity is increasing in some rich countries?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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