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DO YOU AGREE OR DSAGREE THAT CELEBRITIES ARE PAID FAR TOO MUCH MONEY?

DO YOU AGREE OR DSAGREE THAT CELEBRITIES ARE PAID FAR TOO MUCH MONEY? alOad
Forough shabani Many people think that it is fair that celebrities are paid far too much money since they are creative or talented. But I think in the society we need people to do different jobs such as nurses, doctors, workers, engineers and so on. They are all talented in different majors. Some people believe that celebrities don't have private life and work very hard thats why they should be paid much money. But I think there are lots of workers who work harder and receive less salaries. Some of them are from Afghanistan They work years and years without seeing their families. Also they sometimes risk their lives because of their hard work. For example they should go on scaffold in high rise buildings or they should work with milling machine or welding machine which are dangerous. It is true that this is a case of supply and demand. By going to see celebrities concerts and buying their music we help them to get more rich. But it's inevitable because people need amusement. In this case I think government should set some laws to control their wealth And also to control social class gap. To sum up I should say that although celebrities work hard and some of them are really creative, but there are some jobs that need harder work and also more creativity like artists or surgents. I think all people should be able to have a good house and a good car and enough hobbies, If they do their responsibility in the society. And the government is responsible for controlling amusement industry payments in order for people to have fun withoutI hope that the world sees a day that these divisions don't exist.
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Forough
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shabani


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
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think
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
that
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celebrities
are paid
far too much money since they are creative or talented.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
in the society we need
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people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs such as nurses, doctors, workers, engineers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. They are all talented in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
majors.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
don't have private life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
Possible spelling mistake found
thats
why they should
be paid
much money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
there are lots of workers who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder and receive
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun salaries is countable.
less
salaries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are from Afghanistan They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
years and years without seeing their families.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
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lives
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because
of their
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hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, they".
example they
should go on scaffold in high rise
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
buildings or
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with milling machine or welding machine which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.

It is true that this is a case of supply and demand. By going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
concerts and buying their music we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more rich.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it's inevitable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need amusement.
In this case
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws to control their wealth And
also
to control social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
gap.

To sum up I should say that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are
really
creative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs that need harder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
also
more creativity like artists or
Possible spelling mistake found.
surgents
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be able to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
car and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
hobbies, If they do their responsibility in the society. And the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is responsible for controlling amusement industry payments in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have fun
Possible spelling mistake found.
withoutI
hope that the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a day that these divisions don't exist.
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IELTS essay DO YOU AGREE OR DSAGREE THAT CELEBRITIES ARE PAID FAR TOO MUCH MONEY?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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