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Do you agree or disagree with the statement that female and male university students should have separate residence halls v.2

that female and male university students should have separate residence halls v. 2
At present staying in a foreign country, where a person must speak that countries native language might cause serious puzzles in the society and practical sectors. However, I disagree with this assertion and examine why this is not viable according to me. Let us understand the reason why foreign language is not a social problem. To begin with, the most convenient fact is achieving new culture. A person can gain multiple lifestyles when they move on in an another community. As a result, the people can learn new languages and behaviour. Besides, making external friend is another positive matter which cannot be disregarded as well. The people can develope communication capacity by creating friendship with other states individuals. For instance, An international journal published an article that, the students, who are studying outside of their territory, are 77% friendly rather than local learner. On the other flip side of the coin, a few dilemmas are happening by foreign thoughts in society. Firstly, hard work is the biggest issue because the people have to cope up with new community. Therefore, the public must have knowledge about outer world's life- forms. Secondly, one more negative matter is managing life- styles. When learner goes another territory for their higher study, they fall in numerous obstacles in their learning purpose. For example, the researches are indicated that 37% of international students might face dilemmas in other states. Nevertheless, foreign thoughts can bring not only better communication but also excellent relationship. To conclude, the external languages can help in several developments. Thus, I assume that the foreign thoughs must bring positivity in a society, and solve practical problems.
At present staying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
country, where a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
speak that countries native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
might cause serious puzzles in the society and practical sectors.
However
, I disagree with this assertion and examine why this is not viable according to me.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us understand the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is not a social problem. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most convenient fact is achieving new culture. A person can gain multiple lifestyles when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on in
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a community" or "another community".
an another community
.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Besides
, making external friend is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
matter which cannot
be disregarded
as well
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
communication capacity by creating friendship with other states individuals.
For instance
, An international journal published an article that, the students, who are studying
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their territory, are 77% friendly
rather
than local learner.

On the other flip side of the coin, a few dilemmas are happening by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
thoughts in society.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work is the biggest issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope up with new community.
Therefore
, the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have knowledge about outer world's life- forms.
Secondly
, one more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
matter is managing life- styles. When learner goes another territory for their higher study, they fall in numerous obstacles in their learning purpose.
For example
, the researches
are indicated
that 37% of international students might face dilemmas in other states.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
thoughts can bring not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
better communication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
excellent relationship.

To conclude
, the external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in several developments.
Thus
, I assume that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
Possible spelling mistake found.
thoughs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
bring positivity in a society, and solve practical problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay that female and male university students should have separate residence halls v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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