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Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Competition between friends usually negatively impacts friendships. v.27

Competition between friends usually negatively impacts friendships. v. 27
Friend plays an essential role in our whole life, thus intimate and sincere friendships can be seen as invaluable treasure. However, under the condition where is fraught with fierce competition, it is inevitable that sometimes such competition may exist among the friends. A considerable number of people consider that the competition between friends is detrimental to maintain their friendship, while others believe that friendship will be stable and solid regardless of competition. From my perspective, I am definitely in favor of the latter statement. Admittedly, some people may concern that with the emergence of competition between close friends, their friendship will eventually collapse. Because taking into account the numerous benefits of winning the competition, no one will selfless. What’s worse, they may even conceal the truth or deceive each other. For example, if a person is competing with his intimate friend for the sake of a promising and high-paying occupation and they are the only two candidates. Coincidentally, his friend miss the information of the time of interview, will the men tell his friend when to meet the interviewer? Not exactly. At best he may disguise the information, at worse he is likely to tell his friend a fake time. Because the absence of his rival can ensure him to gain the profession. Hence, the aforementioned reasons may account for why many people asserts that the competition may ruin the friendship. However, although everyone is somewhat selfish, I still believe that the merits of competition between friends far outweigh its drawbacks. Actually, proper competition between friends is conducive to the improvement of their professional skills since they will spare no effort to chase each other. For instance, if a basketball player is going to compete with his friend who is also the member in the team for the only opportunity to participate in a large sports game. In order to gain this valuable opportunity, they will get fully involved and do their utmost to win the contest due to their determination to perform themselves and to fight for the collective. As a result, their professional skills as well as willpower can all be enhanced. No matter who acquire the chance, it is undeniable that both of them have achieved dramatic progress during the process of competing. Hence, no one can overlook the great improvements brought by the competition between friends. What’s more, not only can competition enable both of the friends to improve themselves, but it can also surprisingly enhance their friendship. People who are the same competent are more willing to admire and respect each other since they have so many useful ideas and experience to share. For instance, during the process of competition, they may discover that their competitor has the same perseverance and determination as himself. In most cases, having the same willing and desire provides a great topic for discussion. As the two are both desperately seeking for the same goal, an in-depth communication is more than likely. As a result, they can learn much from each other and their friendship will be consolidated. In sum, although some people may hold the opinion that competition will exert negative impacts on the friendship, I definitely believe that competition between friends can improve their competence and also stabilize their friendship.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Friend
plays an essential role in our whole life,
thus
intimate and sincere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendships
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as invaluable treasure.
However
, under the condition where is fraught with fierce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, it is inevitable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
may exist among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. A considerable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is detrimental to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
, while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
will be stable and solid regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. From my perspective, I am definitely in favor of the latter statement.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may concern that with the emergence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
will
eventually
collapse.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
taking into account the numerous benefits of winning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, no one
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will selfless
. What’s worse, they may even conceal the truth or deceive each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For example
, if a person is competing with his intimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
for the sake of a promising and high-paying
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
occupation and
they are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two candidates.
Coincidentally
, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
miss the information of the time of interview, will the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
when to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the interviewer? Not exactly. At
The comma is probably missing here: "best, he".
best he
may disguise the information, at worse he is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
a fake time.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the absence of his rival can ensure him to gain the profession.
Hence
, the aforementioned reasons may account for why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
asserts
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
may ruin the friendship.

However
, although everyone is somewhat selfish, I
still
believe that the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
far outweigh its drawbacks. Actually, proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is conducive to the improvement of their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
since they will spare no effort to chase each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For instance
, if a basketball player is going to compete with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
who is
also
the member in the team for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
opportunity to participate in a large sports game. In order to gain this valuable opportunity, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fully
involved and do their utmost to win the contest due to their determination to perform themselves and to fight for the collective.
As a result
, their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as willpower can all
be enhanced
. No matter who acquire the chance, it is undeniable that both of them have achieved dramatic progress during the process of competing.
Hence
, no one can overlook the great improvements brought by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between friends.

What’s more, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
enable both of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
surprisingly
enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are the same competent are more willing to admire and respect each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
since they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and experience to share.
For instance
, during the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, they may discover that their competitor has the same perseverance and determination as himself.
In most cases
, having the same willing and desire provides a great topic for discussion. As the two are both
desperately
seeking for the same goal, an in-depth communication is more than likely.
As a result
, they can learn much from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
will
be consolidated
.

In sum, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
will exert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
, I definitely believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their competence and
also
stabilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Competition between friends usually negatively impacts friendships. v. 27

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
542 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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