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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The more money a person has, the more he or she should give away to charities. v.1

: The more money a person has, the more he or she should give away to charities. v. 1
By and large it is of little debate in today’s sophisticated world that charities are of great importance. This is inasmuch as charities can play influential roles in a community by providing health, food, safety, etc. With this in mind, it is quite expected to notice some of their aspects are somewhat controversial due to their prominent standing; many people wonder what organizations or who should pay more to the charities. One idea of prominence in this regard is that rich people should pay more to the charities than ordinary ones. I personally concur with it. Among many reasons one can give for this opinion two will be given and elaborated in the ensuing lines. First of all, considering their financial situation, rich people can spend more money on such charity activities. The amount of money they can pay may help the charity to expedite its activities. Owing to the fact that ordinary people cannot spend too much on such activities, charities should wait more to save sufficient money for their projects. However, if rich people consider spending a regular big amount of money, charities can initiate their halted projects, and as a result poor people will benefit sooner. Another interesting point which deserves some words here is that not only do affluent people can feel better by helping charities, but also they will benefit in other ways. For example, businesses can lower the amount of their tax by paying money to charities. Moreover, the more money a celebrity expend in charity activities, the more famous he or she will become. Therefore, they can assume these expenses as investing in their career. Take, for instance, Bill Gates who is a prominent person in computer industry. By establishing Gates Foundation, Bill Gates and his wife spend about 200 million dollars annually. According to their last report, between 2014 and 2016 they have provided more than 2500 African children with sufficient food. To recapitulate, having analyzed the reasoning presented above, one can conclude that in contrast to ordinary people, rich people should give away more money to charities. This is owing to the fact that they can tolerate such expenses without any negative effects, and such activities will help them improving their business in some ways.
By and large it is of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
debate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s sophisticated world that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
are of great importance. This is inasmuch as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
can play influential roles in a community by providing health, food, safety, etc. With this in mind, it is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to notice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their aspects are somewhat controversial due to their prominent standing;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wonder what organizations or who should pay more to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of prominence in this regard is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should pay more to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
than ordinary ones. I
personally
concur with it. Among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons one can give for this opinion two will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
and elaborated in the ensuing lines.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, considering their financial situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on such
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charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they can pay may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
to expedite its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Owing to the fact that ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot spend too much on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
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charities
should wait more to save sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their projects.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider spending a regular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
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charities
can initiate their halted projects, and
as a result
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will benefit sooner.

Another interesting point which deserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words here is that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can feel better by helping
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charities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they will benefit in other ways.
For example
, businesses can lower the amount of their tax by paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
.
Moreover
, the more
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money
a celebrity expend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, the more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
he or she will become.
Therefore
, they can assume these expenses as investing in their career. Take,
for instance
, Bill Gates who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'Gates' should be used.
is
a prominent person in computer industry. By establishing Gates Foundation, Bill Gates and his wife spend about 200 million dollars
annually
. According to their last report, between 2014 and 2016 they have provided more than 2500 African children with sufficient food.

To recapitulate, having analyzed the reasoning presented above, one can conclude that
in contrast
to ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should give away more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
. This is owing to the fact that they can tolerate such expenses without any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, and such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb 'such' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
their business in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay : The more money a person has, the more he or she should give away to charities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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