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Do you agree or disagree. One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job v.188

One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job v. 188
These days, in our modern world, children need to get ready for the hard life that are waiting for them. In my opinion, parents should do every think they can do to prepare their children for their future job. Best way to do this is by part time job because it will be a little source of income for the child, it will teach them to be more responsible and they will learn something. First of all, part time working can be a good source of money for the child. I think when a teenager earns some money, he or she will feel how is it to be like an adult. Moreover, they will be less dependent to their parent and this will have a positive impact on them. For example, when I was a teenager, I used to work in my father' s company after school and had a good pay. As a result, one summer I went on a trip with my friends and paid for it all by my self. Second, having a full time job in the future is a hard thing and teenagers need to get ready for it. Having a part time job will show the teenagers that how hard it actually is to earn money. So, they will not spend their money on stuff that are not important. My little brother used to go to video game centers and spent a lot of money there, but, as soon as he got a job he stop going there and saved his moeny. Finally, part time job can be a great source of education. In a job environment, teenagers learn many things. For example, in some places they can learn to work with computers and that be a great impact on their future job. I learned to work with computers in my old job and that put me ahead of many other students in university. To conclude, in todays world, teenager need to work part time due to the fact that it will have a good impact on their future work and will teach them many thing such as being a responsible adult.
These days, in our modern world, children need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
life that are waiting for them. In my opinion, parents should do every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they can do to prepare their children for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Best".
Best
way to do this is by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
source of income for the child, it will teach them to be more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
responsible and
they will learn something.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
working can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the child. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
earns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, he or she will feel how is it to be like an adult.
Moreover
, they will be less dependent to their parent and this will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on them.
For example
, when I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in my
Possible spelling mistake found.
father&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
after school and had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pay.
As a result
, one summer I went on a trip with my friends and paid for it all by my self.

Second, having a full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
thing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for it. Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
that how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
it actually is to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they will not spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on stuff that are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. My
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go to video game centers and spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "stops", "stopped".
stop
going there and saved his
Possible spelling mistake found.
moeny
.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can be a great source of education. In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places they can learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with computers and that be a great impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I learned to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with computers in my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and that put me ahead of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other students in university.

To conclude
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
due to the fact that it will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and will teach them
Possible agreement error. The noun thing seems to be countable; consider using: "many things".
many thing
such as being a responsible adult.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job v. 188

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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