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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In 20 years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. v.1

: In 20 years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. v. 1
Our world starts to invest time and money in the new development of artificial intelligence, where the computer will think, manipulate and do the work by itself. Some people supporting robots via through technology for the future, despite few folks think this will be a gloom for our community. I pillar to develop our future with the help of robots. On the one hand, the world's population is skyrocketing, and the service to the plethora of consumers cannot fulfil with a limited workforce. To solve this problem, the automation machine can join hands with the workforce to make the work quicker and easier. For example, in the manufacturing industry, the assembly of an engine could take the time of more than an hour to assemble by the employees, but a single robot machine can assemble the engine within a few minutes with the help of the preprogrammed in the machine. So, the human effort and time to do work have more considerable time usage than a machine, and the accuracy and efficiency of a robot have a better result. Moreover, the human force can alter their effort in the essential work part and can develop different skills. On the other hand, in most cases, the robots will be used for the fieldwork in a company. In every organisation, the maximum employee will be working in the fieldwork, if this is the case, then the employment of many workers would be reduced with the development of this automated machine. For example, the growth of the country can increase, but the economy of each family will face a decline due to these kinds of technology development. In addition, the laziness of humans would be higher when the automation machine comes to easy their work. This makes each individual have health problems. To recapitulate, each technology development of humankind will have their pros and cons, but the situation demands to apply some electronic components to overcome some critical problem. I think that the automation machine has a significant impact on humankind with more benefits and try to be a solution for many problems.
Our world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money in the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of artificial intelligence, where the computer will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, manipulate and do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by itself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
supporting robots via through technology for the future, despite few folks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this will be a gloom for our community.
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I pillar
to develop our future with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of robots.

On the one hand, the world's population is skyrocketing, and the service to the plethora of consumers cannot fulfil with a limited workforce. To solve this problem, the automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands with the workforce to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
quicker and easier.
For example
, in the manufacturing industry, the assembly of an engine could take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of more than an hour to assemble by the employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a single robot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
can assemble the engine within a few minutes with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
preprogrammed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the human effort and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
have more considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
usage than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
, and the accuracy and efficiency of a robot have a better result.
Moreover
, the human force can alter their effort in the essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part and can develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
,
in most cases
, the robots will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the fieldwork in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. In every
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, the maximum employee will be working in the fieldwork, if this is the case, then the employment of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of this automated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
.
For example
, the growth of the country can increase,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the economy of each family will face a decline due to these kinds of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
In addition
, the laziness of humans would be higher when the automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
Did you mean "too"?
to
easy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
each individual have health problems.

To recapitulate, each technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of humankind will have their pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the situation demands to apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
electronic components to overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critical problem. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
has a significant impact on humankind with more benefits and try to be a solution for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : In 20 years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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