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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.58

Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 58
It is irrefutable that advertisements have become part of our day to day lives. Some people claim that these ads share beneficial information whilst most of the parents are worried that their children are being wrongly influenced by ads. In my opinion, ads targeting kids have both positive and negative impact on them. To begin with, parental concern about ads is justified. Young children lack the ability to make wise decisions as to what they really want. They are attracted to the colourful pictures in the advertisement and swayed by misleading information. So, they pressurize their parents to buy those things. The advertisements of fast foods are particularly bad for children. Children cannot understand the difference between healthy food and fast food. They are attracted to the junk foods and these are very detrimental for their health. Furthermore, some ads show dangerous stunts. Although, it is clearly mentioned that the children should not imitate those stunts, they hardly read that part and try to perform those stunts and get hurt. For example, when I was a kid, I jumped from one building to the other after seeing the Thumps Up ad and ended up with a leg fracture. On the other hand, advertisements provide necessary information to the children. For instance, the advert of Colgate toothpaste, which tells us to brush our teeth twice daily, is good for children. Then there are some ads about education like Byju’s learning application, which help children to improve their academic score and learn their subjects with better illustrations. Moreover, some advertisements also highlight the importance of saving water and electricity, keeping our surroundings clean and planting trees. Children are motivated by these ads and try to follow them. To conclude, it is true that some ads have a detrimental effect on children, but at the same time we cannot deny the fact that there are also many advertisements that enlighten children by providing a lot of useful information.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have become part of our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that these ads share beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
whilst most of the parents
are worried
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are being
wrongly
influenced by ads. In my opinion, ads targeting kids have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, parental concern about ads
is justified
. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wise decisions as to what they
really
want. They
are attracted
to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
pictures in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
and swayed by misleading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they pressurize their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those things. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for children.

Children cannot understand the difference between healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. They
are attracted
to the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
detrimental for their health.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
stunts. Although, it is
clearly
mentioned that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not imitate those stunts, they hardly read that part and try to perform those stunts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt.
For example
, when I was a kid, I jumped from one building to the other after seeing the Thumps Up ad and ended up with a leg fracture.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
provide necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, the advert of Colgate toothpaste, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us to brush our teeth twice daily, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Then there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ads about education like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Byju
’s learning application, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic score and learn their subjects with better illustrations.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
also
highlight the importance of saving water and electricity, keeping our surroundings clean and planting trees.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are motivated
by these ads and try to follow them.

To conclude
, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ads have a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time we cannot deny the fact that there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that enlighten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 58

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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