Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not. v.548

Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not. v. 548
It is generally agreed that there are some relations between different aspects of students’ life and their chance of becoming successful in the future. These aspects are either internal or external. One of them is whether the student keeps his room organized or not. The vast majority of people are of the opinion that this factor is not that much important to be considered. I contrary to the popular belief contend that students who keep their room neat and tidy are more likely to become successful in the future. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most conspicuous reasons and examples. One of the reasons coming to mind at first is that an organized mind is the result of an organized room. This sentence is true not only about students but also about every single person at any age and any position. A The statistics which held out(! ) recently in my area on students reveals that, the tidier the student is, the better grades he has. Another psychological survey conducted in the same area which was about the factors which lead to an organized mind disclosed that being organized in other parts of life results in an organized mind. Another equally noteworthy point supporting my opinion is that, Students will have a better concentration on what they are doing in an organized room. Since hardly any normal person likes studying, it is important to minimize the distractors when one is studying. A disorganized room has a great number of distractors. As an example in such rooms there are video games, books or music albums all over the room which are appealing to the student. The student will be distracted and be tempted all the time to stop studying and play some games or listen to some pieces of music. In contrast, if these stuffs items are not all over the room, the student will not have to use his efforts against this temptation and can concentrate on his studying. Last but not least, neat and organized room reduces the stress of the student. It has been borne out that the place where one lives and works has considerable effects on one’s mental state. There are some hints provided by psychologists to make the most proper places for every action. As an instance, scientists claim that people would have a more comfortable sleep in rooms whose walls are painted in blue. There are some factors- like the previous factor- which help students to release their stresses. Since one of the main reasons of stress is disorder in any aspect of life, with an organized room, students can reduce the rate of stress, the mental disease which students are most vulnerable to. To wrap it up, all aforementioned reasons and examples lead us to the conclusion that there is a direct relation between how students keep their place and their chance of becoming successful in the future. However, that was a story in a nutshell. Actually, there are other reasons and examples elaborating on this idea which are not mentioned above due to the dearth of time. Finally, it is suggested that a survey be conducted to find more information about this issue.
It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relations between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
life and their chance of becoming successful in the future. These aspects are either internal or external. One of them is whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
or not. The vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
is not that much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be considered
. I contrary to the popular belief contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
neat and tidy are more likely to become successful in the future. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most conspicuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and examples.

One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
coming to mind at
first
is that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
mind is the result of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
. This sentence is true not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
about every single person at any age and any position.
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "A" or "The" is left.
A The
statistics which held out(!
Loose punctuation mark.
)
recently in my area on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
reveals that, the tidier the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is, the better grades he has. Another psychological survey conducted in the same area which was about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which lead to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
mind disclosed that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
in other parts of life results in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
mind.

Another
equally
noteworthy point supporting my opinion is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will have a better concentration on what they are doing in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
. Since hardly any normal person likes studying, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to minimize the
Possible spelling mistake found.
distractors
when one is studying. A disorganized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
has a great number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
distractors
. As an example in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
there are video games, books or music albums all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
which are appealing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will
be distracted
and
be tempted
all the time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
studying and play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
games or listen to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pieces of music.
In contrast
, if these stuffs items are not all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his efforts against this temptation and can concentrate on his studying.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, neat and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. It has
been borne
out that the place where one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and works has considerable effects on one’s mental state. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hints provided by psychologists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most proper places for every action. As an instance, scientists claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would have a more comfortable sleep in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
whose walls
are painted
in blue. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors-
like the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor-
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to release their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stresses
. Since one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is disorder in any aspect of life, with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, the mental disease which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are most vulnerable to.

To wrap it up, all aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and examples lead us to the conclusion that there is a direct relation between how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their place and their chance of becoming successful in the future.
However
, that was a story in a nutshell. Actually, there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and examples elaborating on this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
which are not mentioned above due to the dearth of time.
Finally
, it
is suggested
that a survey
be conducted
to find more information about this issue.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not. v. 548

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
534 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts